It has been awhile...but I'm back

I have not fallen off the face of the earth but have from the blogging world. Truth be told, I have been reading blogs almost nightly, but not commenting, which I know is not really fair. Each night I would say tonight is the night I am going to start blogging and commenting again but I never did it..Well, I owe it to myself to get back in this..I have worked too hard, come too far. thank goodness for the blogs though, because while I was not up to blogging myself, reading the blogs kept me a bit connected and helped me not to fall off completely..so thank you so much..every night it was like a little comfort for me..

without going into the long winded story, have just been dealing with a lot right now..My mom had not been doing well and everything kind of hit a head..I hope and think though that she is on the road to recovery, thank God. I have been very down about the situation and trying to keep it all together but not always very successful...plus, dealing with family woes and differences of how people take care/deal with things is hard...Bottom line, as everyone knows, life is very hard..things are never easy and it is a constant test of faith and perserverance...during this time though I have gone a bit into a cocoon because I have not really felt like talking about everything when it consumes my thoughts and emotions so much of the time..

In this last month as I have struggled emotionally, it has definitely affected my progress. I feel like since September I have just been kind of out of it with regards to this journey. for a few weeks in september i think I got to a point of being a bit comfortable or cocky in that I had lost a great deal of weight, people had noticed, clothes didn't fit anymore, etc. I found myself just kind of going through life not really thinking about what I was doing/eating and how much further I have to go on my journey.

Then, once things started happening in my personal life, I just kind of fell off the wagon. now, thank God that this falling off the wagon was nothing like I would have fallen off the wagon in the past..I think it is a combination of the band (thank goodness) and a bit more of a personal recognition of how I deal with my emotions. I had some some big falls but overall, I held it together ok. I continued to step on the scale, which was important..i teetered between three or four pounds for about 3 weeks but thank Goodness I really didn't reverse what I had done. I am still so frustrated that I feel like i have "wasted" almost 2 months in this journey and look back and think "argh" but i have to give myself a bit of a break and recognize that in past attempts at weight loss, this would be a time where I would literally stop, give up and reverse everything I have done.

despite some of my falls, I have managed to lose some weight since september..I hover around 75 down, give or take...i do know this is an accomplishment and I am not just whining...one of the things about me and this journey is when I do something, i get very determined and competitive with myself, and as a result hard on myself when things don't go as I wish they have. I want to be all in this and continue. plus, it was about 4 not so good weeks and 2 very disciplined weeks.. When i actually look back over the last two months i know that I really did hold things together pretty well given what I was dealing with but I am putting myself back in the game..

bottom line, I am getting a bit of my fight back, which feels good...I have thought about/wanted to do this post for about two weeks now but it is always hard to take the first step/restart...but, I did it...I am making public that I am refocusing and remembering why I am doing this and what I have accomplished...the effects of losing weight so far have been so amazing...feeling better, more comfortable, less winded, etc. and I want to continue..I deserve this and after being a good friend, sister, daughter, worker for so long, i need to continue to really take care of myself and not put me last...

So, today I re-pledge myself to this journey and doing this once and for all...and that includes being in touch on blogging and being accountable..there are many things I still have to get to to be successful (e.g. going to the gym.i have yet to do) but I know that I have just taken a step forward for myself and those two will come...

thanks to everyone who has been blogging and allowing me to read your posts and feel connected...and, a special thanks to Angela..Angela, your comment really helped me get over the finish line of coming back into blogging..it was just what I needed, so thanks so much...

I know many people are having a bit of a tough time right now for various reasons, but have faith that you will find your way back and that this is a journey...