My Word for 2011....Aware

I am very excited about my word for 2011...AWARE (and awareness)...

a·ware (-wâr)
adj.
1. Having knowledge or cognizance: aware of the difference between the two versions; became aware of faint sound.
2. Archaic Vigilant; watchful.

Synonyms: aware, cognizant, conscious, sensible, awake, alert, watchful, vigilant

I think this is such a great word for me and something to focus on in the new year. Plus, it focuses on so many aspects of my life, not just the weight loss. Being aware of how I feel, how I am acting, what I am doing, etc. I would like to become more in tune with my feelings and aware of when I am being my best self, when I am not, not forgetting to put myself first, eating slower and mindfully, etc. Being aware of my goals is another thing...when I am aware and cognizant (love the synonyms!!) of my goals, it will help form my habits, mental, physical and emotional...I think this is such a good thing for me to focus on because this journey is so much more than what I eat, but what made me overweight in the first place and managing my emotional health while hopefully conquering this beast once and for all..

I have loved reading the word posts thus far and look forward to reading more. All of these words are so applicable in so many ways...

Cheers to being AWARE in 2011!!

Canyon Ranch Day 2..tired and sore, but feeling good

It is 6:15pm here and I am in my robe, lying on my bed, trying to make myself stay awake before my "late" 7pm dinner (haha...i think anything before 9 in the city is early!!). Today has been a very tiring but great day.

I slept well last night, falling asleep around 11pm, which was good...woke up at 3am with a bit of a headache, but fell back asleep. I'm thinking the headache is from dehydration, which I know will not be solved with one good water day, but hope it will improve as I have a bit of a headache now too, but took some liquid Tylenol. Anyway, woke up at 8am by alarm..was at Breakfast by 8:15ish...I got some yogurt and kashi cereal at the bar (cereal/yogurt bar in the AM, salad bar at lunch/dinner..they are always there) and ordered a smoothie, coffee and some OJ. I also ordered a turkey sausage patty so would look like I'm eating. told my friend that I am an eat a few hours after I wake up type of gal. I managed about 3 bites of yogurt with a bit of kashi (huge victory) and had about 1/2 a cup of OJ and a few sips of coffee..and the tiniest bite of the sausage. that was all I could do but glad I had no issues. though, the breakfast looks amazing, so thinking one day i might need to do a later one to enjoy it.

Hit my first class at 9am, yoga foundations. Was a good class as I have not done a ton of yoga. Was very introductory and basic, which I liked, and I enjoyed it. I found it calming and a good way to wake up my muscles. I then went to body conditioning, which used bands and dumb bells. It also involved a lot of squats and lunges. Given my back, I modified some of the exercises but the instructor was very helpful in that..I am already feeling the burn in my arms and shoulders and I know I will tomorrow. I then went to my third class at 11am, Cardio Tennis. I had to pay extra for this but love tennis and wanted to try it. It ended up being a lot more drills than cardio given there were only 3 in the class..I definitely find that my weight still limits me on the court, both in terms of getting to the ball and in general how I hit (not moving my body as much)...I love tennis and look forward to improving on this as I continue to lose weight (i'm so jealous of Camille and all her tennis!). My back started getting angry at me towards the end and I was in a good bit of pain. Ended up stretching for a good 30 mins after and ended up in much better shape..

Went to lunch around 12:15, which was nice, as we were able to have a leisurely lunch..plus, I was starving by this point. Ordered the chicken quesadilla with an avocado salsa..cut half of the tortilla off each piece and loaded up with avocado and extra salsa. I also ordered a side of avocado to add in some more protein and make it more moist. happy to say that given I had a lot of time and did good bandster eating, had no issues. it was truly delish. At 2pm..ZUmba,..Finally as I have been dying to try...Vickie, I LOVED it!!! Given I love to dance and shake my hips/booty, it was great!! And such a great workout. I can honestly say it is probably the first class that I never looked at the clock...love love love and can't wait to do tomorrow at 10am and hopefully when I am back in the city. After Zumba, just relaxed for about an hour and then went to Restorative Yoga, which is really more about relaxation with yoga techniques than exercise...Great way to wind down after an active day. After that, showered and just got a facial, which was divine..While I have all the products, I am not always great about tending to my skin so really enjoyed that.

Am now just chilling until dinner, which will likely be followed by sleep by 10pm..haha...wild night! They are having some activities tomorrow but I would honestly just rather get some rest and get ready for another day tomorrow! Am so happy here and feel so motivated...thank you for all the comments and support..I just wish everyone could be here. Below is a pic of the start of the day in my workout clothes pre sweating (bathroom had a full length mirror!) and then Liz and I after Zumba..showing the sweat and then in a zumba pose!

Happy, Happy Early New Year to everyone and I wish health, peace, happiness, love (and yes, weight loss/maintenance) for you in 2011

Canyon Ranch Day #1..Amazing

So it is 9:30 and I am winding down the day in bed..ahhhhh....today has been awesome. Liz and I took the 7:15 am train out of the city and arrived in Albany around 9:45. Someone from the Ranch (I feel so silly saying "the Ranch" yet love it at the same time!) came and drove us, an ~45 min ride. We got in around noon and were lucky to be able to check into our room early. We also took a tour, despite the fact that Liz has been here so many times (she even got a hat to commemorate here 5th trip here..lucky duck!), she is great about doing all the new things.

Our nice driver

I have been very good about drinking water!! not my strongest suit so glad to focus on this!

We started the day with lunch..I had salmon cakes and a side of cottage cheese...well, the band is definitely back! I love on the menu that the food looks not only delicious, but has all the calorie, fat, carb, protein and fiber info...the salmon cakes were delicious..I def was only able to eat one of them and I was only half way done when Liz finished her meal (Liz does not know about band..love her, but per previous posts, not ready to tell friends..only 3 know)...they were going down fine though. I decided to have a few bites of cottage cheese..boom, PB. not fun but made it through. the food is quite tasty though.

At 2pm, I went to a "Gotta Dance" class..it was fun..we did some samba, African and rock and roll dance. I think it was a good way to start things out..I broke a sweat but was not dripping (which I like). I then went to Core Power Hour in the pool...i was one of the only younger people there, but let me tell you it is HARD! great use of my core and definitely felt the burn. it was a mix of cardio and strength. at 4pm, I decided to give a lecture a try, mindful eating was the theme (I didn't want to leave and not try some lecture). I wouldn't say it was anything ground breaking, but it also put some of the good and healthy thoughts related to food at the forefront..also helped me to choose my word for the year, which I will post about tomorrow. Finished the day with a stretch and relax class, which was nice and good for me. Not sure if I have posted about it, but I have a bad back..a herniated disc, that acts up here and there.I have done physical therapy and had 3 epidurals..As I lose weight I know it will only help...my back is def very tight and a bit sore tonight but I"m hoping that I heal a bit overnight.

Dinner was amazing..had shrimp scampi that came with pasta marinara..I ate all the shrimp and about 1/2 to 3/4 of the pasta. had a side of mashed butternut squash..AMAZING..i might dream about it. Given my new found sweet tooth, I have decided to only allow myself dessert at night..tonight I had vanilla ice cream (low fat) with fat free chocolate sauce and two chocolate chip cookies...I think all of that was about 400 calories and DELISH.amazing...ahh..so yummy. I am amazed at the quality and choices on the menu. it is also nice because the dining experience makes you feel like you are on vacation. ending the day with a massage was great and relaxing..


Ahhh...

Looking forward to tomorrow with some Yoga, Zumba (first time..yay!!), Cardio Tennis and more!!! Also am going to confirm my word selection and my goals for 2011....hope everyone is doing well and thanks for the support and comments...I'm so happy I did this...I will try to read as much as possible over next few days but might try to post so i capture my feelings/emotions from the day and then catch up on blogs (promise I will and comment!) on the train ride back..want to soak in all my time here.

Canyon Ranch for New Years 2011...a kick start to the new year and a dream come true

So, I am sitting here in my apartment after making it back to the city tonight (took off on time with no issues, which was great...) While I was very sad to leave home and say goodbye to my parents, Gma and brother Brian, I am very excited about the next few days, as tomorrow morning I am taking the train to Albany, NY and then going to...CANYON RANCH!!!


I am going to the Ranch in the Berkshires in Massachusetts....a full service destination health spa where you can do whatever you want..it is good for just relaxing, kick starting weight loss, getting zen (haha), etc...they serve healthy food (that is supposedly amazing and has all the calorie content), have a bunch of fitness classes and a full spa

This is a BIG step for me because it is a bit of a dream come true and I am really treating myself. A few weeks ago I was thinking about New Years Eve and how I didn't want to do the whole party thing... I was just not in the mood this year (especially being single among couples). I started to look into a trip for my Mom, Gma and me, but it was not going to work and was going to be a bit much money wise for me to pay for all three...when I sat back and thought about where I have been in 2010 and where I want to go in 2011 as well as what I would really like to do, if I was being selfish, I immediately thought about Canyon Ranch...I have been closed to booking a weekend there at least 3 times and I have always been dying to go. After overcoming guilt for splurging, and my mother convincing me I should do it and I deserved it, I booked three nights at Canyon Ranch. I am fortunate that my friend Liz (who is luckily enough to go almost yearly) was up for coming last minute, so we are going together!! I could not be more excited...

I have done great eating wise with the band but it is no secret that my cardio has yet to really kick in...so I am excited to really do some classes (finally, zumba!), work out, get some spa services and just relax from my hectic life and reflect a bit as I approach the new year and hopefully a better (and slimmer!) me! My days will be filled with likely one or two classes, hopefully some stretching, a spa service and three meals. I am planning on rising early (7am train tomorrow) and going to bed early...it will be a new years without alcohol but I'm looking forward to it!! and hopefully my bad back will hold out and my body won't go into shock from exercise!!

I feel so blessed and lucky that I am able to go (though guilty I can't afford to take my Mom, but I promise her one day!) and it really is a dream come true (i have wanted to go for seven years..literally)...I am also looking forward to using this time for reflection as I approach the new year. I am continue to add to my list of goals for 2011 that I have already started working on and keep thinking of my word!

Christmas catchup

I have really been out of it blog wise lately..I have been reading here and there, but not doing a good job of commenting, or posting for that matter...

On the Christmas front, had a great holiday. seems like such a whirlwind and crazy that I have been home in Atlanta for a week now (leaving tomorrow)...the days leading up to Christmas were so busy and I feel like we were non stop. Good news is that my entire family was together for Christmas Eve and Christmas..not that we didn't have our ups/downs leading up and at different times, but in the end, the love and unity binded us together and we had a great time...My Gma was also down with us from NY (we flew down together) so that was extra great...we all adore her and dote on her. We continued our tradition of a big and nice Christmas Eve dinner at a steak house in town..we all contributed to the dinner, which was nice. Before the dinner we went to the Stt Regis for drinks, which was great...given things had been a bit tense, i had two glasses of champagne at the hotel..then another one at dinner..then red wine...um, I got a bit overserviced at dinner..apparently i was funny (I remember most of it, some a bit blur).. I def had a great time though and apparently was not too annoying, so that was good. On Christmas day, we did Mass, brunch and then did presents and a great dinner at home...have to say a bit relieved things are over but really enjoyed it..

so, on the band/eating front..over the last several weeks i have been SO tight and wondering if I needed a bit of an unfill..nothing in the AM but coffee and i was worried I was PB'ing too much. Come home, and the band is wide open! i mean, I still approach eating as if I am tight, but I have not eaten this much or without having issues..i mean I really have been ravenous and eating more than normal...ham, broccoli, salad, etc...to the point that I was worried something had slipped (wondering if it has and thinking i should get a check up)..but, this AM as I was waiting for my Mom at her Doctor's appt drinking starbucks, all of a sudden I slimed/threw up coffee...so fickle. Honestly, given how ravenous I have been and NOT making the best of choices (um, the ice cream has got to go), I hope to get a bit more tight...

I leave tomorrow to head back to the city before my big new years plans, which I am goign to post about tomorrow because it is that exciting it deserves its own post....for now, a few pics from Christmas..on the plane ride back tomorrow, going to think about some 2011 goals and I like this "word" plan...Hope everyone is recovering from the holidays and doing well.


The whole gang at the hotel before dinner


My biggest fans and the best parents a girl could ask for



BFFs...enough said..


Cheers!! I was not hurting for sure!


My wonderful, supportive and handsome bros!! (note, all gifts are usually the same, sometimes in contrasting colors..haha)

Self Sabotage needs to stop

This week has not been good eating wise...I think I am very hormonal right now, and while not a great excuse, it has definitely affected my mood, appetite and craving for sweets. I have just felt really down the last few days. besides being emotional, I am getting really concerned about my job given impending lay offs, am feeling upset/worried about my family being together for Christmas and how much I want everyone to be together, accidently letiting a friends secret slip, etc...to say I have been out of control eating this week is probably an understatement, but thank goodness for my band to help me put a stop to some of it. only because this is my accountability journal, I will say that I bought a roll of cookie dough...and over four days, i baked a few cookies each night and finished the roll. i want to kick myself as I type..how backward and old habits is that..embarrassing...how could I let myself lose 87 pounds only to try to sabotage myself. this is on top of pizza for dinner, nachos for lunch and many cookies and candy during the day at work for the holidays...these past two days are not ME because the new ME is putting herself first, thinking before eating and eating for hunger, not the mind or feelings....I have no where to go but up (in terms of improving, not gaining weight!) and I can and will do it. I will start now, not in a week like the old days...back to the focus...not a fun post, but needed and now I have been honest, despite some shame/embarrasment...I can do it.

Some victories/some things to work on...

I have been thinking about how I need to blog more, so thought I would evaluate where I am thus far...As I think about everything, there are some things I have done very well and other things I need to work on/do...I think it will be good to post about some of these (and some I have posted about before) to then look back and see if I improved on my "to dos."

In terms of some of the positives, first and foremost I have really worked on my emotional eating. Yes, the band has helped tremendously, but I have also found that I am now better recognizing my tendencies...while I still often have the urge to turn to food when sad, mad, bored, etc. I have made great strides in recognizing I am not really hungry and have found alternative ways to deal with them. I have definitely not conquered this, and not sure I ever will, but made huge strides. I have also done a good job of limiting my portion sizes; it took me awhile but I have definitely done this and become satisfied with less. I have also not given up despite some slip ups and plateaus..I still have a long road ahead, but I have kept motivated and positive. Also, for the most part. I also generally (not always) try to make decently healthy choices while not ever depriving myself of anything. These are what come to mind the most

In terms of to dos, EXERCISE, EXERCISE, EXERCISE...I could come up with many "valid" excuses as to why I have not done it, but I will not even dare. I know how important it is, on this journey and for my overall health, but I have not done it yet, not even a little. Pilates (which i would actually count as a positive) I do and love, but I need some cardio to get my blood pumping and to get my heart healthier. I know I will do it and will start to love it...soon I hope. The other big things for me are eating slower and smaller bites. I do a pretty good job when I am out to dinner or in social situations (because I think I'm nervous about having a problem in addition to engaging with others), but at work and at home I have a lot to improve upon, particularly at work, where I often eat 3 meals a day. I think it has to do with focus and time. I have to say it is hard!!I have made great strides but more to come! I also need to not drink while eating (again, out to dinner with glasses of wine never really an issue, just at work or home!). In addition, must focus more on protein, which I know will help me in this process. Also need to balance my newfound sweet tooth. I will never deprive myself but it seems that I can't have just one cookie or piece of candy...hopefully will be able to soon. There are more I am sure, but these are what come to mind the most (and, this is the second time writing this post as I accidentally deleted the entire thing the first time)...

Overall, with the good and the bad, this is just the best thing I have done, and I am so thankful...I will continue to push and hope to keep progressing...