Some progress pics..

I have posted a few recent pics but someone asked me for some progress pics..I searched through some of my old pics to try to put together a montage...besides noting changes in hair color, eyebrows and crooked teeth (goodness I need to do better with keeping my highlights and eye brow waxes) - so hard to look at - I definitely do see some progress..if I am completely honest though, while I do see progress, I also feel like I should see more given the amount I have lost but I have to remember that I have a lot more to lose and that while the number is high, I started higher than many people..I wish I could just look at the positive but I am hard on myself and can't help it...and, I have decided that I really think I need invisalign for my teeth...also, apologies the formatting is off..not very reflective of my banking training...

Update post vaca

Well it is back to the grind...wishing I was still on vaca...Mom and I had a wonderful time and I really just had an overall wonderful trip. While I still have a long way to go on my journey, I just feel better..I feel more like myself..back to a positive outlook and enjoying being around people and doing things..i can only imagine how I will feel as I continue and dare I say, reach my goal?

So I already provided some highlights from my trip (telling my friend, getting some compliments, etc.)..here are the additional highlights:

*Mom and I had the greatest time...we really didn't do too much but just laughed and relaxed..we napped, shopped, went to two nice dinners, did some night swimming, etc. Food wise, I think I did pretty well...I definitely didn't overeat and had some good practice for eating slow and chewing..only had one major stuck/pbing/throwing up issue...I indulged a bit in certain foods but my portions were good..I overall felt good about my eating..and my Mom could not be more supportive..I am so lucky. Also got a few cute things shopping (nothing major) but I am finding myself enjoying shopping more again

*After being in Miami (Sun night to Friday afternoon), I flew to another part of Florida (we were near Seaside) for one of my best friend's from high school (childhood actually) bachelorette party. It was a mixture of her high school, college and Atlanta friends but luckily I know all of them and like most of them. My friend Mary was there (who knows my situation) so I was so happy to have part of my support system there. I overall had a GREAT time that weekend..partied a lot and just had lots of laughs. On the eating front, I did have some issues..Got in late Friday and was fine. Well on Sat AM, I woke up and they had lil quiches and muffins. I thought I would be fine with a quiche, avoiding the crust..well, No...I am finding with my recent restriction that I am not able to eat first thing after waking up. Definitely had to run right to the bathroom post trying to eat the quiche...then, at lunch, had similar issues. we had sandwich stuff and I just had the turkey and cheese as well as some pita chips with hummus..well, i think the chips did me in. I also felt like one of the girls was watching me a bit (a friend who lives in NY and has noticed my weight loss) but I am being paranoid I'm sure. anyways, held out but def had to rush to the bathroom then. So, I avoided things until dinner. I ordered a small side salad and one sushi roll (debated getting the crab cake, which I should have!). I did GREAT with the salad..slow, small bites and ate well..was starving. Well, the sushi was a No No...I didn't have to go to the bathroom but I was stuck. Luckily, mary asked for a bite of sushi. I gave her the signal and told her to "take more.." so, she helped deflect me not eating by putting sushi on her plate..again, I'm sure I'm paranoid. Well, luckily (or unluckily given my headache the next day), the food unstuck and I was able to drink at the bar and I had my dancing shoes on! Getting home at 3am, everyone made thin crust pizza..thought I would be fine..NOT! So, Saturday was NOT a good day...I know getting stuck/sliming/PB'ing will happen but I don't want to get used to it and would like to avoid at all cost..this is about learning a new lifestyle..

Being back at work is tough but luckily my boss is out so it has been fairly quiet..Last night I had a friend in town from Dallas wiht her husband and Mom so we went to dinner at David Burke, one of my faves, bc they are still doing restaurant week (3 courses for $35). I got the Burrata/Tomato appetizer (milkier mozzarella), Salmon for main course and some strawberry shortcake dessert (was to share with table). The app was great, no issues. For the main dish, the salmon was ok..a bit dry to be honest so I only had a few bites. had a few bites of my friends pasta with short ribs (and I mean small, one bite..). was tough so after a bite, I stopped. the main course was a bit tough but I didn't eat much so ok. Well, with dessert, it had a scoop of icecream and a lil cake. well stupid meghan had a bite of the lil cake and got stuck. to the bathroom i went..argh! As I write this, I realize it seems like a lot of going to the bathroom, and I don't want anyone to worry or think I am not taking this seriously (which I so am), but I want to be honest on this and have it as a forum and a bit of a confessional. Well, I think this adjustment really is the "sweet spot" but I am having to train myself and really learn/live the lessons. I will do it!

Looking towards the next goal (65 pounds by Sept 1st), it is going to be tough but I will continue to work towards it...I have to lose 8 more pounds by then..I know I am doing well but I know I have room for improvement..will just go for it! I really want to do this and am feeling motivated and would like to keep going!

Here are some picture highlights!
cheers to vaca!

my sweet friend MJ who was so loving and supportive when I told her..i love this pic!

Mom and I at the Beach!


Mary and I at the bachelorette party (note, a late night, sweaty shot post some intense dancing to Proud Mary!)

A quick vaca post...so happy I told my friend and feeling motivated

So happy to be on vaca! I left NYC thursday night and flew home to ATL. Was in ATL hanging out with friends and family and am now in Miami with my Mom until Friday...a few highlights from the trip so far:

After thinking about it for a long time/wanting to tell her, I told my friend MJ on Friday about my band. She is only the third friend to know and someone that I wanted to know because she is such a wonderful person and friend..so supportive, so loving and I trust her...I am not planning on telling people one by one but she is someone I always wanted to tell and was finally able to see in person. Well, she could not have been more wonderful, loving, sweet and supportive. She was so happy for me, so supportive and loving. she was glad that I was feeling more like myselfI felt guilty about not telling her and she was telling me that I really have to rid myself of false guilt..also, she was very supportive and encouraging that this is my journey and if I don't want to tell people, it is not lying or being dishonest, even to my best friends. I just felt such joy, love and support after our conversation and she sent me the most beautiful email I will always treasure..I am excited to have another person on this journey with me..the prayers, love and support mean so much to me..

I also saw many of my best friends from High School who I hadn't seen since March. I got many compliments that I "looked great." it is funny bc I was feeling like no one noticed, then two of my closest friends (happened to be guys), leaned over and asked if I had lost weight. I know they still feel uncomfortable and don't want to embarrass me by asking but they both had noticed independently that I lost weight. in addition, one of their fiance's was raving about it and noticed I had lost "a lot" of weight. It was nice to feel the love and that people can actually tell a difference! Also, I just had a really great time!

Happy to finally be on vaca...we had a bit of drama with the rooms as they put us in the WORST room and I am not splurging on the hotel on my vaca (which i did a lot of research for) to not be happy with the room..but, got settled in a new room today. today we had bfast, got pedicures, and relaxed...this week will be just relaxing with pool and shopping, some beach. weather forecast is not great but hope it will get better...

On the band front, I think I am near perfect restriction! I was very good/strict on liquids Wed and Thurs and then mushies fri/sat. I can DEF tell I am restricted and I am having to eat very, very slowly. I am still making very good choices for the most part, which is important. I haven't had any real issues until Tonight, which was les mis. My mom and I ordered food in our room and I got a kid's size cheeseburger. well, while we were waiting, I had a few goldfish. then, I took my medicine with a big gulp of a drink..then, my medicine came up. i must have been a bit stuck and then I just could not keep anything down..so uncomfortable. I ended up having a shake with 150 cals and being able to eat about 3 bites of my burger...it just kind of reinforces that I must always think while eating. I am very aware, working on being slow, etc. but it is a bit of a reminder...I am very motivated though and will get this!

On a positive front, I went to the gym today! My goal is to go every day while I am here..i have no excuse of work or lack of time! my mom was taking a nap and I made myself go (and then I took a nap)...I did the elliptical machine for 33 minutes and then about 30 mins of pilates..felt good and I was proud of myself. I also weighed myself today and looking good (obviously on a different scale, so never know) but I am going to weight myself every day on that scale so I stay on track..

ok, falling asleep now. I have been cranky today my Mom says, so I better get some rest...thanks for the continued support and prayers..

-Meghan

PS - thanks to Kerri for nominating me for an award..I have to do a bit of work on my end to find new bloggers so likely going to have to wait on that post till I get back..

I'm getting back on track..

Oh how miserable it was to read my last post..not only how I felt but also the grammar/misspellings! painful! but, I'm glad that I got everything "on paper" so that I was accountable. it was not a fun post to re-read, thats for sure. So, today was a much better day. Last night, I made the decision that I was going to get back on track..to the point where I woke up about four times during the night, excited about stepping on the scale again (and even contemplating getting on during the night). To be perfectly honest, I was scared about getting on..really scared. i knew I had gained about 2 pounds from my low but was concerned because I really had no gauge of how many calories I had been eating..well, not as bad as I thought and I was only up one pound from my low. I left feeling positive, which I think is half the battle.

I had an omelette for breakfast and definitely ate the entire thing..I just think I shouldn't be that hungry. by 1pm, my stomach was growling and I got a kids size qdoba salad (only bad thing is a lil cheese and guac and I don't know how their meat is prepared). had 140 calories of smart puffs as a snack and then had about 1 scoop of chicken salad and 6 saltines for dinner..again, got to a point where my stomach was growling..any bandster pros, is that normal? should it be growling? (recognizing if i never ate it would growl). My day was not a home run but was a victory after failing over the last several days. Also, I spoke to my Mom, who had a tough day at work, and her courage and determination in what she is dealing with inspired me that I can do this...i can be brave like her. I really think just getting down another five will be a bit of a psychological breakthrough for me and I can go from there..I better get into it and competitive (when I say competitive, I mean with myself, not others) because I have a goal of losing 15 pounds by September 1...will probably be tough but I will just try my best. It is nice to feel motivated again..

Two NSVs today though...I tried putting on one of my suits this morning for work, but it was just too big to wear..the type of too big where even if you roll up the pants once it looks like you have flaps hanging off the side of your pants. Granted, it was a suit that I bought at my heaviest when I was popping out of other things, but regardless..on the clothes front, I have seen other people's posts about giving away clothes. I am hopefully going to be going through some things soon and have some things (including that Anne Klein suit) to give away..The other NSV was a woman at work came up to me randomly and asked me bluntly "what's different?" I was caught off guard because I thought she was asking something about work. She was loud in front of my whole team, but I quietly told her I had lost weight. She said that she was not the type of person who noticed anything but that she noticed yesterday and thought that I looked "really great." Always nice to get a bit of a lift when you are trying to remotivate.

As I look forward to this week, I am actually headed on Vaca Thursday evening. I will be home for a few days, then Miami with my best friend (aka my Mom) and then a bachelorette party...am excited to get a break and really looking forward to having me time and getting some excercise. I have no excuse and I am hoping that the motivation I feel now will continue. It will be interesting though because this is a relaxing vacation, and this will be the first one where the food was not a highlight/entertainment/focus...it will be a good challenge and one that I am ready for. I am just excited to see family, friends and get away (though will miss seeing my brothers).

Oh, and I'm going back in tomorrow for a possible tweak on my fill...I have had this appt scheduled for about 1.5 months so I figured I should go as I think that I could use just a little bit more, and I'm concerned that I could have hurt/affected my fill by not following the mushies/liquids days perfectly? does anyone know? perhaps I'm being overly dramatic. It is a fine balance because while I definitely notice more restriction and forcing me to eat slow (by many pb's/sliming, which i don't like) but think maybe just a bit more. Especially as I try to kick it into high gear..

also, contemplating telling one of my friends this weekend..this would be the third friend I tell. She is one of my college girlfriends and she is very loving and supportive and I think she could help me through this journey. I also think it would help to have someone know what I am going through when I go to my bi annual college girls weekend...we will see, but I'm definitely considering it..it is still so hard for me to think about and an emotional step..I realize it shouldn't be, but it is...we will see..

ok, i have rambled enough but hopefully this was a more positive post and easier to read without all the typos! Thanks for the continued support.

First mobile post... And need to vent and restart

This is my first mobile post... I have bit done well this week... Food wise or blogging. I had my fill on wed, which went well. Had a shake that night and was good. From then on, I did not do great. I did not follow liquids for 24 hours and my mushies might have pushed the "mush" definition. I could use excuses such as my client lunch, busy, wrst day of work on Friday, tc. But bottom line is I have really filed myself the past four days. This weekend I drove my grandma to waltham Massachusetts to visit my great aunt, her sister n law, who is in a nursing home. I was happy to do it but this week was just so exhausting. I found myself thinking about food a lot, wanting food... Some of the old feelings. I found myself mindlessly eating a bit and wasn't 100% concious. Now, I didn't go binge or anything, but I found myself eating a bit too much, or snacking... Tonight for instance, I had a pretty full dinner (some salad and two meatballs) and I then had a bag of smart puffs.. Now my stomach hurts...argh!! Why!!! I think too much work, exhaustion and missing some of my medicine has really thrown me off. I have started to feel myself again and somewhat comfortable (the comfortable fat girl) but I don't want to get comfortable.. Given this Amount of weight loss has been my ending point in the past before regaining the weight.. I'm not worried about gaining but I am worried about stopping... And I have such a long way to go... I know I can do it, I just need to refocus and not give up. This week, my goal is to refocus on myself and put everything second. I want threally think and get competitive again.... Ok, enough of my rant but I have now "put it on paper" that I have done poorly over the last severaldays, have gained approximately 2 pounds since my 50 low and need to kick into gear... I guess this blog is a good way to stay accountable... Hopefully I will have better news next post. And be at a co
outer to be able to post on blogs ( at my grandma's house and her Internet isn't working )...

I will get on track today!

Ready for a fill!!!! And, a Tribute to my Wonderful Parents!

So, I am so ready for a fill..I got a salad for lunch (HUGE!) thinking I would eat half and save the rest...well, I ate every last bite..and it was soo big..I ate slow, but it was just TOO much..I was actually pretty full the rest of the day..not terribly uncomfortable, but full. for dinner I had a sugar free carnation instant breakfast shake and a few bites of my remaining Thai food (yeah, bad from last night). I'm ready for my fill!! Otherwise, got through the Monday...



On to more important things..this is a perfect opportunity for me to take an opportunity to thank my parents for all they have done and their continued love and support as they celebrate their Anniversary tomorrow (36 years I think? and they met on Spring Break..haha) ...My parents are the two most important people in my life and I am here because of them...My parents sacrificed so much for my brothers and me. They gave up their wants (and often needs) to put my brothers and I through private/catholic school..they never gave up and sacrificed so much. They showed love and courage even through dark days, and their love and commitment exemplifies what marriage is.

In terms of my journey, my parents are my number 1 fans. they have loved me through many sizes and they have never made me feel bad about my weight. they have told me I am beautiful and instilled confidence and love in me. My parents taught me that it is not what someone looks like, but what they have to offer. My parents have supported me through many challenges with my weight. They have just always been there...



Despite loving me at any size, they have always encouraged me to be the best I can be, including having this surgery. in fact, it was my Mom's idea..in many ways, I did this because my Mom thought it was a good idea (which she did not realize)..not because I wanted to please her but because I knew that if she thought it was a good idea, it probably was...well, another example of Mother knows best and me being so thankful because this is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me..My parents have been such a force in my life and this journey, and I know they will continue to be...I could not ask for better parents (especially having been overweight most of my life) and their love and support is what gets me through dark days...I love you Mom and Dad..thanks for showing what true love and devotion is and teaching me that anything is possible and to never give up. Happy, Happy Anniversary.

If I am lucky enough to be blessed with a family one day, if I am half as good of a parent as my Mom and Dad then my kids will be very lucky...