Feeling motivated...and climbing the hill

I have been through ups and downs of motivation over the last three weeks. After a horrible week, I am back up in terms of motivation. My one year mark is the 22nd and I want to lose into the homestretch...I'm rounding 3rd, on the 5 yard line and want to score. I have been re-reading a few of the blogs that inspired me and to be honest comforted me when I first decided to do this...I am reading around their one year anniversary and how well they did and I want to finish strong. I don't think that I will meet the lofty goals that I set a few months ago, but I will finish and do the best I can. In one of the blogs, someone (can't remember who) wrote that it is better to set lofty goals even if you don't meet them than to not set goals at all.

As I think back over my life, weight has played such a huge role in it as I have been overweight since first grade..I had losses here and there but never got out of the overweight phase...I never let my weight stop me from anything and in many ways excelled in a lot of things I did because I think in some ways I overcompensated for being deficient in my weight. I was (am) blessed with wonderful friends who didn't care what size I was and still thought I was great. I was a Cheerleader..I got in the sorority I wanted in College and one of the best on campus..I got a very competitive and highly coveted job out of college. I don't list these as a way to pat myself on the back or look for congratulations, but more to realize that while I have done these great things, I very rarely recognized them or my successes because being overweight and unhappy about it (for literally almost 20 years) overshadowed things. I always put my best foot forward, was outgoing, smiley and positive and truly enjoyed most aspects of life but it was my hidden demon and battle that literally weighed me down. How exhausting it was for me to fight this emotional weight and still come out the cheery and optimistic person. I think for the most part I was never fake in the sense that I really was happy and optimistic...but, to think that I was able to feel this way while still having this weight (figuratively and literally) on me. I have often described times in my life, my weight being the biggest, as an uphill battle...

This past year has too been an uphill battle, but it is one where I feel like the wind is behind me, pushing me forward and with each positive step I take in putting myself first, taking care of my health, etc. the hill is getting flatter and flatter. I know that life will never be easy and I have dealt with much bigger things beyond my weight, but this is the one that has personally plagued me and kept me from fully matching the person within me with the outside. I still have a long way to go, but I pray that I can continue up the hill and see the top in the future. ..

Just a little realization of how transformational this year has been...I am freeing myself from the biggest personal challenge, weakness, failure (for me, I have felt like a failure for being overweight..whether right or wrong)..it is so much more than being able to wear designer jeans for me..it is life changing..