A quick Vegas post...it was a blast...I shopped (or ordered online that is) until I dropped trying to find the right outfits..made it work and overall felt great. It was definitely the first girl's trip in near memory where I felt somewhat comfortable..I didn't feel like I stuck out as the fat girl amongst all my beautiful and svelte girlfriends (though they have never made me feel like that, I always did inside)...I still definitely had some insecurities all dressed out on the town but I am generally so much more confident and when I feel a pinch of self doubt, I remind myself how I used to feel!
My friends were so wonderful and complimentary of how I looked..told me so many times which was a nice lil boost...I have to be honest that I did feel a lot of guilt at times as none of my GFs on the trip know...MJ who knows is in this group but couldn't make it...I especially feel guilty about AW and AC...I have shared so much with these girls and very delicate, deep things and I feel like I am being dishonest..I have to remind myself I am not...I wish I could explain why I don't say anything, but I don't...argh..I fight the guilt..
Ok, a few NSVs:
*I got on the plane and I was sitting down, I was chatting with the stewardess..I started buckling my seat belt and realized there was an extender on it (which I was SO close to needing/getting plenty of times). I realized it was on there, and she goes "oh i'll take that.."..what a great feeling to see that but know I didn't need it.
*I cross my legs like crazy now...under tables too..woah!
*I didn't feel like a total blimp at the pool..I was comfortable enough to walk to get water without putting on a coverup..unheard of! And, I had the cutest tunic cover up..while it was short, I was comfortable enough to walk in it to the drugstore...it was so Lilly esque (found a great new online/catalog place called Boden..check it out!)
*I was talking about my dress and I said the size out loud (e.g. it is a 14 but I really needed a 16)..Never would I have ever said that before
I still battle the demons of insecurity, guilt, etc. but overall a wonderful trip, such wonderful friends and a great getaway!
You look beautiful...I can see continued changes and contouring in your face. The hot pink green combo are great colors for you. Regarding not being open about the band...I don't think of it as dishonesty but medical privacy and discretion. I haven't told a lot of my close friends or colleagues because they have never dealt with weight related issues, they really would not understand. A lot of these people love me dearly and sincerely; but I just didn't feel like explaining my surgery. I also didn't want the pressure of being scrutinized while making this life transition.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had a great time.
BTW I checked out the BODEN USA website...very cute...I love the wrap around dresses...Did you find that the sizing consistent with USA sizes since they are a British company?
ReplyDeleteHoly Cow! You look amazing!!!!! The dress in the last picture is stunning. Good for you. I am glad you had so much fun.
ReplyDeleteYou look fantastic! Sounds like you had a wonderful time :)
ReplyDeleteYou are GORGEOUS!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou should be very proud of yourself! I also struggle with some guilt about not telling anybody, but I just feel that it is my private business and nobody else's. I do wonder if my best friend, sister or mother ever figured it out if they would be angry with me for not telling. Hopefully that will never happen.
ReplyDeleteYou look fantastic!! Adorable outfits, and it looks like you had a great time!! I can't believe it's already been a year for you.. well, not until I see how thin you are, anyway! :) Congratulations!
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