100 Down!!!!!

Almost 10 months to the day of my surgery, I have now lost 100 lbs. I have to be honest, I have been reading a lot of blogs and know some people are struggling (which, despite the number today, I have so been there), so I debated doing a celebratory post but it is something I need to celebrate and I know that everyone is supportive and they too will have their day and I will be so excited for that!!

It is funny, leading up to this day, I wondered how I would feel at 100 down...what a big number ( the size of some of my friends!), what an accomplishment. I do feel proud of myself because I know I have worked hard, but most of all, I just feel happier in life in general. I still have down days and tough times, but I no longer have to fight to get myself out of bed, having to face a day where I don't know what I will wear to hide all my "sins" or what I can possibly find that will be comfortable. I don't just feel like the fat girl who everyone is looking at...I don't feel the need to hide my food for fear of people wondering "i can't believe she is eating that. I no longer have nightmares about business trips and ask my mom/dad to pray that I will fit into my airplane seat on the regional flight for my business trip tomorrow so my colleagues don't see. I also no longer hide my seat belt bc I can't buckle it and I fear the stewardess will see it...I show my seat belt with pride! I don't fear squeezing into a subway seat or train. I can walk with my co workers to a meeting and hold a discussion without getting winded. I don't have plantar fascitis anymore. My back has started to improve. My snoring (which had really gotten bad and upset me and also led to hurt feelings when I was with some of my girlfriends on a trip) has lessened significantly and I no longer will worry about who I sleep with in a room or will I keep them up. I am starting to see bones in my hands and feet that I didn't know were there! My nice watch which I hadn't been able to fit in is now too loose. I no longer go out at night and hope to hide from everyone as I now think it could be possible for someone to find me attractive or hit on me...I am starting to really love shopping..I no longer only look at the shoes or accessories in the regular sizes or run to hide in the women's department...

These are only some of the things that come to mind for me, and some are more surfacey but I really cannot tell you how much better I feel emotionally, physically and psychologically. I am still the same me...outgoing, humorous, talkative, etc...and I was happy before and had a great life, but my weight had really started to cloud my happiness and was hindering me living my life...I am now a happier and more confident me, and I really feel like I have so much life ahead of me....

I have come very far, but I have still have more to go! As happy and proud as I am, I want more and I need more..I am still overweight and have room to go, but I will do it. I want to do it and I am worth doing it for. I have had ups and downs and will have more to come, but I can get through this. When I get to my "goal", which I'm still not sure what that is, will my all my life issues/wants be fixed, no..but I will be in a place that I can feel great and confident as i work towards fixing those issues and finding those wants... I have updated my goals on the side of my blog, which I feel/recognize are quite lofty and not necessarily realistic, but that is what a goal is sometimes...

Thanks to the entire blogging community for the example, support and wisdom..whether reading blogs and thinking "that's exactly how I feel" or receiving a nice comment, this has been such a special outlet for me...

And to my inner circle who knows about this journey..how could i ever thank you for your love, support and cheers..Mom, Dad, Bri, Sean, Mar, Nik, MJ and Gma...it was a tough decision to do this, to tell anyone and put this level of trust in that was so important to me (and asking you not to tell your significant others, which I know is a lot to ask), but you all have been the greatest cheerleaders a girl could ask for...Our season is far from over, but as Gpa O'B would say, I will keep five-yarding them to death..

PS. for anyone who is reading this and is early on in their journey or contemplating doing this...Yes, it is so worth it. It is honestly the BEST decision I have ever made for myself..I have no regrets.