Thousand Word Thursday

Have not been good about blogging and not really up for it tonight (but have been reading and loving it), but i couldn't miss Amy's first Thousand Word Thursday because it is such a fun idea and is so fun to read...For those who don't know, each week there will be a theme/question and then you post a picture to respond..so this week's:
"Let's celebrate our own beauty and how wonderful we all look with a photo of your favorite feature on your own body"


so, my favorite body part right now I think are my eyelashes..they are long and curly and I love putting mascara on them and seeing how plump and long I can make them..the only thing I like making plump!!...this was the best pic i had (though not the best mascara job I have done and excuse the need for an eyebrow wax)...have loved reading everyone's blogs and hope I am feeling more like myself and in a position to want to post this weekend....

The scale is moving all around!

Some things that I think I am doing well:
*Not emotionally eating..Yes, i have wanted to reach for things, but I have held back (and the fear of what could happen if I try to eat them

I made it just in time (going by AM scale, not PM scale)

So, I'm going to say I have reached my 65 goal...on the scale y'day AM and this morning I had reached 65 down...this evening, I have supposedly gained 6 pounds from this morning (btw, stepped on the scale about 4 times this AM)...I'm going to say though that

soooo stuck...

Literally...ALL Day. i had almost one egg over medium around 10 am and a sugar free carnation instant breakfastaround 3pm..that is what I have been able to keep down..what I have tried to keep down includes a few bites of a pancake, qdoba kids meal, soup and pasta..now, not all in one sitting and reflects that I tried two different things for breakfast and lunch...I have had incidents where I have eaten too fast or not chewed well enough and had an issue but I have never gone an entire day with such an issue..so uncomfortable and I don't like it...hopefully will feel a bit better tomorrow...good thing I was too tired to keep my dinner plans because I think I would have had a problem..going to try to get some sleep and hopefully will be better in the AM...until then, back to carnation instant breakfast...

4 month bandiversary reflection (and 3 posts in one night!)

Ok, I had a lot on my mind tonight...I will keep this short, but I just have to say thank you...thank you to my family, friends and blog friends..thank you for helping me get to today and for your support and encouragement.

Four months later (as of yesterday), I am in a good place... I have good days and I have bad days but I have prevailed and I have never given up. I can 100% say this is probably the best decision I have ever made..and I have worked on putting myself first, which I have not often done...I have reached a place where I really feel like I can look to the future and have hope that I will not battle this demon for the rest of my life..that I am actually on a path of conquering my weight..will I always probably battle my weight in some way..yes...but I don't feel like it will ever have a strong hold over me again and that I am changing my life. I was very uncertain, scared and ashamed about this surgery..I was so scared to do it...looking back I am so proud of myself that I followed through and anyone who is reading this and considering it, trust me, it is worth it. I have faced sacrifices but these are nothing when I think about the life change I am making...I have a long way to go, but I have hope...and I am ready to keep fighting and trying to push through..

Clothes for the Sisterhood...question

So I have some clothes for the sisterhood..one suit, a few dresses, 1 or 2 winter sweaters, likely a winter coat and a trench coat, 1 or 2 lightweight sweaters, one or two blazers...some are in great condition, some are a bit worn but have some wear left in them..I am still going through everything so don't know for sure yet..I have stuff across the size range and seasons..I have not always fallen into an exact size and think I stretched things out, etc...i am now about a size 18 probably (ahh..i do not say my size outloud (in type or verbally..haha) (depending on the clothes). I honestly can't say I fit an exact size.

here is my problem..I am just not good at mailing things...perhaps it is because I am in NY and on a 4th floor walk up, or I don't know, but I'm just not very good at it..It is not the cost but literally just getting my stuff together and doing it (which I always have to do on weekends and never quite get to..)In addition, given all the different sizes, I am wondering if it would be easier for people to see/try on...anyways, I can't make it to Chicago (I am very bummed) but I was wondering if I should just send to the hotel for when there is an exchange and they can be included? i would then need to do one big mailing which could be tough but I have a month notice?). I would though need to make it to some one's attention I imagine..if anyone thinks this makes sense and anyone is interested and would want first dibs on everything (and thus be responsible for receiving the mailing), please let me know...I can try to do a bit of a cataloging of what sizes, but they literally range. If someone has a better idea, please let me know. I can also try to do a better job of taking inventory but am still in the process..again, I can also try to mail things individually because I really want to pass on things because I know it stinks to buy for one wear..any thoughts welcome..

two things I wanted to post pictures about / see if anyone had interest were dresses I wore that I could try to mail separately... they are bridesmaid dresses but they were both pretty and someone could perhaps use them for something? it will not hurt my feelings if no one is interested but I thought I would ask before including them in any mailing so that I can try to donate to a charity because they are in good condition. both of these have been altered and I was about 2 sizes smaller than the designer sizes (i have always been in bridesmaid dresses..) but also note that I had them both tailored to me...

Here is one (Amsale, size 24..i was probably about an 18ish+ when I wore this? maybe 20?..it is an aline, fitted at the top but flattering..these are the best pictures I could find (of course I never want to be on the end so I can hide my arms/hips)




Here is another (priscilla of Boston, also size 24...I was about 40ish pounds heavier wearing this one than the one above but i think it was much more forgiving given the skirt..i was probably a solid 20/.22? this was about 1mth after surgery...it is a ball skirt and empire waist...hides anything hippy..i think the crumb catcher top might need to be sewn a bit, but nothing major.


Let me know...you can email me at megdore@yahoo.com...and take my sizes with you to the grave..i often cut them out of clothes (I remember hearing Catherine did that too! haha)

PS - please pass on if you know of someone who these might work for..ranging in sizes 20ish..in case we are not followers of one another

Today was not a great day eating wise...

So, today was a BAD day eating wise...Goodness..I get all hyped up about being 60 down and then I rest on my laurels and think I can eat whatever I want...who am I kidding??!!! argh!

So, my day started at 3:30 am..I was having a dream I guess and woke up in a panic/dream that my new Analyst had googled me and found out about my surgery..isn't that ridiculous? I am way too paranoid..I am fine if I keep this to myself but I also have to get over my fear/anxiety too..I literally could not sleep and after about 20 mins got up and started googling myself..i am ridiculous...and by the way, you can not find it by googling my name (i always google people when I am bored). If I am honest, I fear people finding out..I so admire everyone who is open about this because I think it is an amazing thing to do, but for me for now, I just don't want to be under the microscope when I feel like I always have been/are..Regardless, I can not let this keep me awake!!

so, around 4:15ish, I got up and started trying on some clothes as I clean out my closet (more about that in another post) and try to see what doesn't fit anymore...so, after a few try ons, I decided I had to try to sleep..I started reading blogs (and went back on several) until about 5am. I then decided I should just stay up until 5:30 and go to the gym but then I passed out about 5:15..ended up waking up late around 7 but somehow made it in time for work..

food wise, I had iced coffee around 8am..then had yogurt around 9:30. around 10:45 i was hungry so had about 10 baked lays..for lunch, I had a turkey burger...I did very well and ate very slowly and over about 1 hour..i ate the entire thing but I was hungry and felt ok about it because it was protein and i wanted it. had about 8 sweet potato fries with it. then, abround 1:45, I was craving something sweet and got maybe 1/4 cup of fro yo at the cafe...then around 2:30..i had half of a cupcake...mindless/lazy/wanted it...only to feel guilty about 5 mins, only to go back and have another 1/2 around 4pm!!! for dinner, I had a personal size thin crust pizza...i ate the whole thing but was very slow (over an hour)..i think i had about 1/4 too much as I sit now...ok, enough rambling but I needed to skip that cupcake! the pizza (assuming i ate only 1/2 ) I am ok with but I ate too much...tomorrow though is another day...reading Gilly's amazing accomplishment of almost reaching 100 is so amazing and an example for me!!

Hope everyone had a good monday and exciting that the women in FL were able to meet!