What a great weekend

Well, I have not been fulfilling my duties of blogging or really being focused on me and my weight loss but I did have a great weekend...I also feel like I am on the verge of breaking through this plateau and yo-yo of up/down the same couple of pounds...I am really starting to mentally pump myself up for the gym. it sounds so dramatic and I know it is important and everyone does it successfully, but it is such a mental block for me. I am getting close though..

So, last week was busy, but good. I worked the entire weekend prior on a deal and had to cancel a work trip to Dallas as a result of the deal. was so bummed because I was going to see two of my best friends who live in Dallas and stay the night with them and celebrate my bday...sadly didn't work out. Deal was so stressful (my boss is on maternity leave, so it is all me..going head to head with MDs from other big IBanks..) but ended up ok and priced successfully on Tuesday, which happened to be my bday. Lucky for me, my older bro was in town for work so we went to a really nice dinner. We went to a restaurant called Marea that is supposedly the place to go for the food (my brother is a huge foodie..I'm a mini foodie but no comparison to him). it was very pricey but definitely delicious..so good! also, had some good sightings (Goldie Hahn, Top Chef Pastry host, and Maria Bartiromo and Hank Greenberg (only finance dorks think that is cool))..needless to say though, had cake or some form of dessert to celebrate Monday, Tuesday and Wed! Am not pumped about getting a year older but I also feel like this is my year...this is the year to conquer this beast for good and find true happiness in myself..

So, on Thursday night I flew home for my friend's wedding in ATL. it is one of my best friends from HS (we actually have gone to school together since 2nd grade) and I was a reader. On Friday I had to attend the bridesmaid luncheon, rehearsal and rehearsal dinner..Saturday afternoon was the wedding and then the reception was that night. I have a great group of HS friends (girls and guys) who are VERY close and have the best time together, so was looking forward to it!

Well, I have to be honest, I felt so great this weekend..like so great. I had seen some people in July (have lost an addl 20 since then) and had gotten a good amount of comments on my weight loss but some I had not seen since the spring. It is not the attention that is the best part (though never mind it!) but the fact that people can tell!! Well, I felt like a superstar on Friday night. I had my hair straightened, which is a treat bc not many people do it well bc it is so curly and frizzy, and I had bought this great, fitted knit dress that hugged every curve and was very trendy..wore with black tights and a pair of my fave shoes that completed the outfit. My girlfriends were all very complimentary and so sweet...on the dress, my hair and my weight loss. Well, when I got to the dinner and saw my best guy friends (and their fiances), they went nuts. the one fiance who i love, was flabbergasted and said i looked skinny (i laughed a bit). long story short, I felt really great and loved and supported..i still felt like the bigger girl but it was the best i have felt in a social situation outfit/size wise through this process...Saturday wedding was great as well, and got a lot of compliments on that dress too (though wish i had realized how much cleavage it had..i like cleavage, but was a bit much!!). Wedding of course was a blast with tons of dancing, craziness and my friends having a blast...

coming back was hard (hence it is 1;30 and I am awake) because it is a bit of a let down, and I also have a lot of work to do. I have yet though to really refocus on my goals/this journey and it is time. week one in the challenge saw a 0.2 gain and that just won't work. This weekend and the feelings I had reminded me of why i want to do this and continue..not the attention or people complimenting me...but how I felt..secure, pretty, sexy, etc....i deserve that..I want that..it is up to me...

A few pics from the weekend...i would tell everyone to go buy the black dress i wore bc i loved it, got so many compliments on it (girls asking me if it was trina turk or alice and olivia (couldn't fit in those brands if I tried) and it hugs every curve and hinds your arms (i hate mine)...it wasn't cheap but fairly reasonable and I used a coupon at Lord and Taylors!!

It has been awhile...but I'm back

I have not fallen off the face of the earth but have from the blogging world. Truth be told, I have been reading blogs almost nightly, but not commenting, which I know is not really fair. Each night I would say tonight is the night I am going to start blogging and commenting again but I never did it..Well, I owe it to myself to get back in this..I have worked too hard, come too far. thank goodness for the blogs though, because while I was not up to blogging myself, reading the blogs kept me a bit connected and helped me not to fall off completely..so thank you so much..every night it was like a little comfort for me..

without going into the long winded story, have just been dealing with a lot right now..My mom had not been doing well and everything kind of hit a head..I hope and think though that she is on the road to recovery, thank God. I have been very down about the situation and trying to keep it all together but not always very successful...plus, dealing with family woes and differences of how people take care/deal with things is hard...Bottom line, as everyone knows, life is very hard..things are never easy and it is a constant test of faith and perserverance...during this time though I have gone a bit into a cocoon because I have not really felt like talking about everything when it consumes my thoughts and emotions so much of the time..

In this last month as I have struggled emotionally, it has definitely affected my progress. I feel like since September I have just been kind of out of it with regards to this journey. for a few weeks in september i think I got to a point of being a bit comfortable or cocky in that I had lost a great deal of weight, people had noticed, clothes didn't fit anymore, etc. I found myself just kind of going through life not really thinking about what I was doing/eating and how much further I have to go on my journey.

Then, once things started happening in my personal life, I just kind of fell off the wagon. now, thank God that this falling off the wagon was nothing like I would have fallen off the wagon in the past..I think it is a combination of the band (thank goodness) and a bit more of a personal recognition of how I deal with my emotions. I had some some big falls but overall, I held it together ok. I continued to step on the scale, which was important..i teetered between three or four pounds for about 3 weeks but thank Goodness I really didn't reverse what I had done. I am still so frustrated that I feel like i have "wasted" almost 2 months in this journey and look back and think "argh" but i have to give myself a bit of a break and recognize that in past attempts at weight loss, this would be a time where I would literally stop, give up and reverse everything I have done.

despite some of my falls, I have managed to lose some weight since september..I hover around 75 down, give or take...i do know this is an accomplishment and I am not just whining...one of the things about me and this journey is when I do something, i get very determined and competitive with myself, and as a result hard on myself when things don't go as I wish they have. I want to be all in this and continue. plus, it was about 4 not so good weeks and 2 very disciplined weeks.. When i actually look back over the last two months i know that I really did hold things together pretty well given what I was dealing with but I am putting myself back in the game..

bottom line, I am getting a bit of my fight back, which feels good...I have thought about/wanted to do this post for about two weeks now but it is always hard to take the first step/restart...but, I did it...I am making public that I am refocusing and remembering why I am doing this and what I have accomplished...the effects of losing weight so far have been so amazing...feeling better, more comfortable, less winded, etc. and I want to continue..I deserve this and after being a good friend, sister, daughter, worker for so long, i need to continue to really take care of myself and not put me last...

So, today I re-pledge myself to this journey and doing this once and for all...and that includes being in touch on blogging and being accountable..there are many things I still have to get to to be successful (e.g. going to the gym.i have yet to do) but I know that I have just taken a step forward for myself and those two will come...

thanks to everyone who has been blogging and allowing me to read your posts and feel connected...and, a special thanks to Angela..Angela, your comment really helped me get over the finish line of coming back into blogging..it was just what I needed, so thanks so much...

I know many people are having a bit of a tough time right now for various reasons, but have faith that you will find your way back and that this is a journey...

Tomorrow is a new day

Work has kicked my butt this week, working most nights till midnight and am so tired but need to post..need accountability and an opportunity to vent and remember that this too shall pass...i want to do bullet points but don't know how to format for this (despite being able to run excel models, technology is not my forte)....i will thus do *s

*I have done well in my job and am viewed positively I think, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, unprepared, not smart enough, a phony, etc. this is usually when I don't sleep well and it all becomes circular. Work has been such a big part of my life and I am proud of what I have accomplished but still have yet to figure out if it is my true passion (or what would be if it isn't) or what I am destined to do..Not sure if I stay because I am used to it/don't like change and for the money...in addition, not sure if giving up so much of my personal life for work is worth it..

*When I am exhausted and don't have time to get lunch/dinner, it is not a good idea to have two magnolia cupcakes...having motivation and a great day of eating on Monday only to then eat horribly tues and wed is not ideal...consistency is very important and something I need to work on. I need to push through to my next goal...i have been sitting at this weight, not really focusing or moving the scale..i can do it though.

*I am loving reading blogs and am reminded of the amazement of this journey/process..i haven't had a chance to comment on anyone, which is unacceptable but hope to do that this weekend or Monday..the blogs are a comfort for me as I read but I must provide others the comfort/support as well

*I have got to get some new suits for work..I have been getting by generally for work with black pants/skirts and old tops that just fit better...I am not dressing business formal as I should be but women can fudge it given we don't wear ties. But, when I have to wear suits for meetings, as in today, I am in a jam. today, my parents were literally falling off me at different points..a good thing I know..just need to find some suits to get me through..

*did have an NSV yesterday as a banker I haven't seen for almost 6 months said I looked great (and it was when I looked like I had been run over by a truck, but I forgot he hadn't seen me recently)..nice to know people can see the difference

*Thanks for the thought about my Mom...she is doing better but still is dealing with some health stuff, but working on it...i just love her so much and wish I could fix everything for her..

*Am supposed to fly home tomorrow night for the weekend and to host a wedding shower...haven't packed and am still not sure if my flight will work, in terms of taking Friday off work...hoping it will work out..

*i can't wait for beverly hills housewives to start...i am obsessed with all Housewives shows except Atlanta

I am about to fall asleep and this post is so dis jointed and not making a ton of sense...tempted not to publish, but oh well...the sun will come out tomorrow!

Things are looking up..so glad sisterhood clothes went well...and getting back to the basics

Am catching up on everything so needed to do a post! have LOVED reading about BOOBs, but haven't had a chance to properly comment/post...

First, on the personal front, thank you very much for your concern/thoughts. My mom is dealing with some medical issues and it has been very stressful and challenging...was home in ATL for less than 48 hours but being there for the ones you love is something you will never regret. But, appts are happening/scheduled and on a path to hopefully getting better...I ate a bit more than I have been and did experience a bit of emotional/mindless eating, but overall, much less so than I have in the past and would call it a 3/10 on the severity scale..don't think it is "ok" and while I want to recognize it is still a challenge, I also need to recognize how far i have come..

Switching topics, I have loved seeing everyone's photos/posts about Chicago..it really seems like it was great...filled with a range of emotions but overall a very powerful experience...hopefully I can make the next one. I was tickled pink (ode to my favorite Steel Magnolias) that the Sisterhood clothes I sent were well received...As I posted previously I sent a box of clothes out to Chicago for the Sisterhood and Catherine handled them. I was very excited about sending these clothes..it was exciting for me to go through and have clothes too big, and in addition, I felt very good about passing on and helping hopefully other people. Well, Catherine said that everything went great, and I was so excited to see the clothes and how great everything looked on everyone..it really is so cool to see things passed on! You absolutely must see Catherine's post ..it was very special for me to read and touched me..

On the band front...I am stuck..not physically, but scale/losing weight wise and focus wise. Over the past month I have plateaued and fluctuated 2 lbs up and down. I have been careless and not really thinking and kind of just going with the motions. still smaller portions and nothing crazy, but I have not been making food choices that will help me lose weight..I feel good about where I have come from but I need to propel onward for the second half of the journey...I need to be more accountable and get back to some basics, especially as it will be tougher to lose more weight given what I have already lost. Besides making smart food choices, I want to continue working on eating SLOW and really focusing on my meals..I know I can do it and hope that next week I have some progress to report..

TGIF and I look forward to posting comments on the blogs I have read through but haven't been able to post on...and am excited to have found more blogger friends/blogs to read!!

Things are looking up..so glad sisterhood clothes went well...and

Triumph in emotional eating

Am on a train back to the city from Philly.. Then to the airport to fly home. My girls weekend got cut short to go home for a family emergency..while I know all will be ok, it is still sad, scary and difficult.

As I thought about the situation and any bright spots, I was thinking how I have no desire to eat to help me cope... I am not thinking about food or obsessing on it as a way to numb myself and try to forget this situation... This is a huge nsv for me... In past situations, food would be the thing I would use to help comfort me.... A very nice feeling..

In terms of the band and food, it has been cooperating. My girls weekends tend to center around fun brunches and dinners (and wine!) but my band behaved and I had no problem. I didn't really eat any differently than my friends, who are all thin, but I just tried to eat smaller portions than I used to (aka normal sized portions like they would eat).. I didn't feel deprived and enjoyed very good food. I have also gotten good about chewing a lot as I eat slowly. Felt so much love and happiness being with my friends an itwas a good distraction...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Train from Philly to NYC

Sisterhood Clothes En Route to Chi-town..

First, am so excited for everyone going to Chicago and wish that I could make it (I have my college girlfriend's annual reunion) but I hope y'all have a great time and can't wait to read about everything! Plus, Chicago is such an awesome city and Fall is the best time of year there!

On to sisterhood clothes! Awhile ago I posted about how I had a lot of clothes to pass on and really wanted to share, but I am not good at mailing so I wanted to see if anyone might be interested in receiving the box and get dibs on it.....well, Catherine was so lovely and offered to receive the box despite the fact that none of the clothes would work for her (hello..she is skinny minny!)...how thoughtful and kind of Catherine, which I really appreciate.

So, knowing I was going to mail stuff out, I have been in the process of cleaning out clothes, sorting things, etc. Given my lack of mailing skill (while I don't have a phobia, I always plan on mailing stuff and have good intention on getting to the post office but I never seem to make it to the post office on time), I of course waited until the last minute and realized on Sunday I needed to get going! So, I loaded a rolling suitcase and duffel with clothes and took it to work on Monday, hoping I could go after work to mail it. Got stuck at work late but ran out at 9:45 and then hustled to the post office (only in NY is one open until 10pm!). Of course had to buy a box, stuff everything in, tape it, etc..I looked like an idiot trying to get everything in and properly tape it, but luckily the woman working at the post office was nice and I was there until 10:20ish...I asked her if she could tell I didn't frequent the post office a lot and she laughed..

Here is a photo of me mailing the box (and the nice woman who helped me and my horrible taping job) as the first step in the sisterhood clothes journey!





In the box is a hodge podge of stuff and sizes...two suits, nice pair of jeans never worn, a few blazers, etc..I hope that some of the things might work for people! Hope everyone has a great time in Chicago!!

PS -- this is the first time I successfully posted a link! haha..not super tech savvy..