This and That

This is a bit of a random post but want to be more frequent, am stuck in the airport because of maintenance issues on the plane, have a few things to say, and I know how to do bullet points on blog press (unlike the regular site -- would love to know how to do that!!)

•First, thank you SO MUCH for your kind words, encouragement and support of reaching 100. It truly meant a lot to me....
•Over the last 2 days, I have not been eating well... Not sure if I was "rewarding myself" for reaching 100 or what but I had a bit of a binge on snack size peppermint patties last night (5)... While not terrible vs the old days of pizza or a box of cookie binge, it is still a binge and not driven by true hunger. I want/need to rev up motivation to continue.. I know everyone has off days, so will come back
•I had the Best weekend... My mom came in town and we had a blast. We are two peas in a pod and have so much fun doing nothing! We saw Driving Miss Daisy on broadway (Fab!!), went shopping, saw a movie an had some great meals. We went for a celebratory dinner for my promotion to Park Avenue, a restaurant that changes its menu and decor with the season... Was great! Shopping was great too bc while not perfect in each outfit, I am pretty nearly a solid 16 and I got a pair of pants that were a 12 (totally ran so big and was like a 16, but I prefer the 12 number!). I will post some cute pics of us when at home... My mom is stunning and looks like my sister I think..
•I have been thinking a lot about exercise and how I need to get into a routine... If I am going to make this a life change, that will be important. I am inspired by all of your working out and I want to catch the bug. I never posted about spinning but I didnt love it, was still intimidated and it was hard but I will go back and I know it will get better with regularity.. Instead of just talking about exercise, my plan is to do cardio at least twice by Sunday and get back to 3 times a week... Need to make it a habit...I have decided I will not reward myself with a trainer ( which it is a reward given the cost) until I show consistency with cardio
•Had a reminder today that despite being 10 months banded, it is easy to slip into old habits. When we landed in Omaha, we had about 35 minutes to order and eat lunch... Of course, the people I am with are scarfing. I forget I have just come off a long flight, which will make me tight, and I rush to eat with everyone. I hadn't even eaten 1/4 of my turkey sandwich (sans bread) before I got stuck and sick... Les mis! Had to excuse myself several times. Luckily I was with all men so they didnt really notice
•So my drivers liscense has a picture of me from sophomore year in college... I look horrible, no makeup and huge(I happened to remember when I got it and had had a big night out the evening before... Was a fun night though!) Needless to say, not flattering but I deal because I don't want to have to get a NY liscense and like my southern one! I have gotten several second looks when checking in at the airport recently, but today the guy said "Congratulations on your weight loss!" a compliment I know, but awkward at the same time....might need to work on updating that
•lastly, I am SOOO pumped for the NY brunch and seeing some familiar and many new faces. I really am so excited...

Ok, this novel needs to end....Still delayed and probably going to be for awhile....PS, what is the best way to read blogs on an iPhone?? When I go to my dashboard, it only shows the last 2 posts...any guidance would be appreciated...

Hope everyone is having a good week!





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Omaha Airport

100 Down!!!!!

Almost 10 months to the day of my surgery, I have now lost 100 lbs. I have to be honest, I have been reading a lot of blogs and know some people are struggling (which, despite the number today, I have so been there), so I debated doing a celebratory post but it is something I need to celebrate and I know that everyone is supportive and they too will have their day and I will be so excited for that!!

It is funny, leading up to this day, I wondered how I would feel at 100 down...what a big number ( the size of some of my friends!), what an accomplishment. I do feel proud of myself because I know I have worked hard, but most of all, I just feel happier in life in general. I still have down days and tough times, but I no longer have to fight to get myself out of bed, having to face a day where I don't know what I will wear to hide all my "sins" or what I can possibly find that will be comfortable. I don't just feel like the fat girl who everyone is looking at...I don't feel the need to hide my food for fear of people wondering "i can't believe she is eating that. I no longer have nightmares about business trips and ask my mom/dad to pray that I will fit into my airplane seat on the regional flight for my business trip tomorrow so my colleagues don't see. I also no longer hide my seat belt bc I can't buckle it and I fear the stewardess will see it...I show my seat belt with pride! I don't fear squeezing into a subway seat or train. I can walk with my co workers to a meeting and hold a discussion without getting winded. I don't have plantar fascitis anymore. My back has started to improve. My snoring (which had really gotten bad and upset me and also led to hurt feelings when I was with some of my girlfriends on a trip) has lessened significantly and I no longer will worry about who I sleep with in a room or will I keep them up. I am starting to see bones in my hands and feet that I didn't know were there! My nice watch which I hadn't been able to fit in is now too loose. I no longer go out at night and hope to hide from everyone as I now think it could be possible for someone to find me attractive or hit on me...I am starting to really love shopping..I no longer only look at the shoes or accessories in the regular sizes or run to hide in the women's department...

These are only some of the things that come to mind for me, and some are more surfacey but I really cannot tell you how much better I feel emotionally, physically and psychologically. I am still the same me...outgoing, humorous, talkative, etc...and I was happy before and had a great life, but my weight had really started to cloud my happiness and was hindering me living my life...I am now a happier and more confident me, and I really feel like I have so much life ahead of me....

I have come very far, but I have still have more to go! As happy and proud as I am, I want more and I need more..I am still overweight and have room to go, but I will do it. I want to do it and I am worth doing it for. I have had ups and downs and will have more to come, but I can get through this. When I get to my "goal", which I'm still not sure what that is, will my all my life issues/wants be fixed, no..but I will be in a place that I can feel great and confident as i work towards fixing those issues and finding those wants... I have updated my goals on the side of my blog, which I feel/recognize are quite lofty and not necessarily realistic, but that is what a goal is sometimes...

Thanks to the entire blogging community for the example, support and wisdom..whether reading blogs and thinking "that's exactly how I feel" or receiving a nice comment, this has been such a special outlet for me...

And to my inner circle who knows about this journey..how could i ever thank you for your love, support and cheers..Mom, Dad, Bri, Sean, Mar, Nik, MJ and Gma...it was a tough decision to do this, to tell anyone and put this level of trust in that was so important to me (and asking you not to tell your significant others, which I know is a lot to ask), but you all have been the greatest cheerleaders a girl could ask for...Our season is far from over, but as Gpa O'B would say, I will keep five-yarding them to death..

PS. for anyone who is reading this and is early on in their journey or contemplating doing this...Yes, it is so worth it. It is honestly the BEST decision I have ever made for myself..I have no regrets.

Big NSV for me!

I ran out to Macys tonight as I am desperate for another suit to wear to meetings/work. While having clothes become too big is such an awesome feeling, realizing you don't have a suit to wear to a meeting at 5:45am when you are getting picked up at 6am for a flight is not a great feeling.

I ran out to Macys around 7:30 tonight...my safe store that has a very large women's section. My only suit left that is still wearable (though sports wings in the thigh area) is a 16w. Having taken a hiatus from shopping this past month, I really haven't tried on clothes for awhile. I went to the women's floor and went to the suit sale rack. I didn't want to spend a lot bc I hope to not be in the suit too long. I found 2 grey suits in a 14w and 2 16w bc I wasn't sure the 14w would fit. the 14W suits were light grey, which is a color that never was super flattering versus the dark blues or blacks which hid sins better. When in the fitting room, I tried on the first 14w, and it was big!! it def still fit and would work, but it was obviously a bit big. I thought it was a fluke, a suit that runs big, so I tried on the other 14w..SAME thing!! I almost fainted. given the store was closing in 30 mins I decided to run to the misses floor. As I went to floor 5, I felt lost because it had been so long since I had been to this floor/area...I quickly found the sale suits and grabbed a few 16s and 18s bc again I just didn't know. Well, the 16 FIT!!! there was no manuvering or anything to get it on..it fit and wasn't TIGHT! I could have fainted/cried right there!!! such a great feeling!!! I don't think I am necessarrily going to be a regular size in everything but this was such a big victory for me...

Hope everyone had a great weekend!!!

Was a good day...

While I definitely didn't eat great today (ice cream cake at work for someone's bday, 2 glasses of wine and dessert at dinner, to celebrate, etc...) But, definitely had a few victories today. First, I went to get a physical. I wanted to go when I was 100 pounds down so set it about 3 weeks ago. Well, I was 98.5 pounds down on the scale today but was close! i have to say it was great to compare my weight to the last time I was there (for clearance from surgery). What was neat was when the nurse entered my weight on the computer, all of a sudden an alert popped up warning that my weight had dropped by a significant percentage...haha! it was like a red flag warning, but in this case was a good flag! My doctor was very pleased about my loss and very supportive. I cannot wait to see all the results of my cholesterol, etc. to compare what it looks like versus my last physical. It is also neat to not dread stepping on the scale at the doctor's office.

Big news of the day was that I got promoted to VP at work! I have now been at my bank for almost 7 years..I am an Analyst promote (i.e. I didn't go to business school) and it was an exciting day. Lots of time, energy, sacrifice, and stress to get here (and puffy eyes and wrinkles to prove it), but I am excited. I sometimes question my career, but i feel happy and proud today, especially as a woman in such a male dominated industry. ILong way to go and still quite low on the totem poll but a lil bit at a time! Went to one of my faves,Blue Ribbon Bakery with a friend to celebrate...what is neat is that it was the same place I went to celebrate almost 4 years ago when I was promoted from Analyst to Associate...only thing missing this time was my brother!!!

Big weekend ahead as I am going SPINNING! One of my coworkers is married to the co owner/founder of a very popular, well known spinning studio in the city (which Catherine loves I know). Well, as I have said in posts, I am intimidated by spinning despite having done it a few times. Well, when I was at Canyon Ranch, all of these women were talking about this studio, etc. so I told my coworker. Well, his wife called the other day and I took the message. We ended up chatting, and I told her about all these women who were talking about her studio, etc. Anyways, she told me that I really must come in and try it. I told her that I definitely would/wanted to but was a bit intimidated, etc. Well, she was so sweet and told me that I must come, there are people of all sizes, etc. She told me to email her and she wanted to recommend a few classes. This was Thursday. While I debated, I decided I really should email her, though I forgot that day. On Friday AM, before I had a chance to email her, I got an email with a package of classes! She comped me 10 classes which was just crazy generous, unexpected, thoughtful, etc. Is that not the nicest thing ever??? She was so sweet and told me that she is just so proud of what I have been doing (i mentioned when we chatted I had lost weight and was focused on getting into an exercise groove). Anyways, just so darn nice. I have to say I am very nervous about going but I am doing it!!! Will keep everyone updated!

Quick Check In

Despite being midnight, just getting home from work and dreading a 6am airport pickup, I am feeling super motivated about this journey and the wonderful blogging community. Reading people's stories/experiences is so great for me and i love that I feel the same way as so many of you do.

Today was a decent day eating wise except the visit from my monthly friend has definitely thrown my sugar cravings into high gear. Day started well with my usual small latte around 8 and then a cheese stick around 10:30. For lunch I had half of a sandwich (turkey, one slice muenster and avocado on toasted wheat) and only ate half of the bread. Had a 100 calorie cheetos pack with that. I brought in a 50 calorie york to conquer my sugar craving but failed. I ended up getting a cooke for ~250 calories but I am glad that I was able to hold myself back from getting more than one. for dinner I had some tortilla soup and a few bites of grilled chicken and some chips and salsa...the food for dinner was not super healthy/nutritious but my portions were very small and I think ok. I just need to remind myself that I need protein and balance to really get this journey going.

But, I have decided to not "try" to make my 1 year goal (at least 31 pounds, ideally 35 pounds) but to actually do it. I have been wish washing and I need to go full throttle and make this happen..I can do it, I want to do it and I will do it. I will try to give it my all.

Off to Richmond tomorrow for a morning meeting and back in the afternoon...how nice is it that I am not dreading/fretting about fitting in the seat or the seat belt buckling, despite being a regional plane. Last time I saw this client down in Richmond was almost a year ago and I remember being relieved that the stewardess didn't check on my seat belt because I couldn't get it to fit...such a great feeling to not worry...that change/relief alone has made this process worth it and it is only such a small, small part. Thank you band!

Caught between feeling fat and feeling normal

This title definitely reflects how I am feeling today. Today I was thinking about the fact that I have lost 97 pounds, which I know is significant and a huge accomplishment. I am very proud of myself and feel good about everything but it is sometimes hard to fight the feelings of "so i have lost the amount of weight of almost an entire person and yet I am still overweight and have a lot more to go." ...So often I still feel like the "fat girl" who sticks out when out with others..the girl I have always been weight wise now and 97 pounds ago..on the other hand, sometimes I look at myself and think I have now moved into the "normal size" range (despite being on the very high end), where I blend in and am "normal." Now, I know my weight does not define me and I have never been abnormal when I have been heavier, but I have in many ways felt like I was in the "fat world"...things were just different for me in so many ways (clothes, shopping, sitting comfortably in planes, being able to do physical things, etc. ). In so many ways I have crossed into the normal world yet there are reminders/feelings that still make me feel like I'm in the fat world. I know I might have to fight this for awhile and that nothing happens overnight, but I hope that with each pound, with each NSV I start to feel like I am in the normal range...that I am no longer the fat girl who is fun, nice, and funny with such a pretty face who dresses well for her body type but I am the fun, nice and funny girl who is beautiful all over and feels normal...not beautiful to others, but beautiful to myself.

As I think Maria wrote recently, it is a marathon, not a sprint and the fact that I recognize these feelings and am willing to work on them is a NSV in itself...

PS..wish I looked like that (or will!) in a bikini! haha

I'm back finally...

After almost a 2 week hiatus, I'm back. btw, thanks to all for the encouragement on my depressing/down post...Definitely started feeling better on Sunday. Was feeling great on Monday as well until I fell down the steps at work, a whole flight, running to the second floor for a call. I had on a pair of new pants that were long so I wore high heel boots..well, as i ran down, my heel got caught and I tumbled. I got massive bruises on my left side and both shins and had to get stitches in my knee. That happening, on top of my big deal on Monday (hence, I didn't get stitches until Monday night despite falling at 10am..) just kind of threw me for a bit of an emotional loop. I also was limping for several days..argh. It definitely put a crimp in my new exercise regime and c25k program and focus on eating...While right or wrong, it threw me in a bit of a funk. In addition, I just got internet on Tuesday and just installed wireless...I'm massively behind on blogs (writing and reading)

OK, enough about that, I'm moving forward....today was a new day and I was determined to get back on track..I had gotten within 3 pounds of being 100 down, only to then gain 3 pounds back, definitely a result of eating cookies and ice cream like it is my job. Today I ate well (and slow), drank a lot of water and when I was dying for a cookie had a 50 calorie snack size york peppermint patty. I want to focus on protein and watching my calories so that I can really make the next three months ahead of my one year count.

I'm also going to pick my exercise back up this weekend..I'm ready to resume and get going. I also got a new motivation in that my girlfriends from college and I have planned a trip to Vegas in mid April. The last two girls trips have been amazing because I have such great friends but were hard at the same time..in October, my Mom fell ill and I was on the phone a lot and had to leave early and was very stressed...the time before, last March, I was at my heaviest and so uncomfortable and insecure, even around my best friends who have loved me through all my fat days. Well, I can honestly say that I don't think any of those feelings would hit me now and I am feeling more and more confident as I keep losing, but I must say that the idea of being in a bathing suit and getting dazzled up in Vegas is something that doesn't yet excite me (though seeing my girls does!)..I think it will be a good motivating factor and something I know I will feel good about keeping going. I want to get to a point where I can feel really confident and secure in clothes and in my own skin...made improvements and getting there but room to go to think about.

So, back to working this band, focusing on me and this journey. Looking forward to catching up on everyone's blogs and commenting this weekend!