What a FUN Weekend! and some interesting insights..

I had one of the most fun weekends that I have had in a LONG Time..an absolute blast! My best friend Mary from home (we have been friends since Seventh Grade and have only gotten closer throughout the years)..We talk every Sunday night and Mary is the friend that I can tell everything to, trust completely and not worry about judgement. Mary is a Psychologist (a Doctor! she hates when I call her Dr.) and I should probably be billed for all the sessions we have had. Best part about Mary is that I can be upset with her, talk through things, but at the same time just have fun and laugh. I can honestly say that Mary has been such a huge part of this journey and will continue to be..I cannot even tell you how nice it was to be able to talk about anything and everything, so openly....We had the absolute BEST time and just laughed and talked and talked and talked....I will give an update on what we did (Sean you can have all the goods) and then I will update on some of my insights

Mary got in around 7:30ish on Friday night..I left work early so I was home around 6:30 (thank Goodness the cleaning lady was able to come..my apartment was unlivable prior to Friday). Mary got in and we just caught up and chatted for a bit. I had planned on a more low key Friday night so we could have a productive Friday night. We went to one of my favorite restaurants in the Village, Extra Virgin. The wait was about an hour for an outside table, but it was nice out, so we decided to wait for it and have a glass of wine at the bar. Well worth the wait. We split a bottle of wine and had delicious fish for dins..We closed down the outside of the restaurant. We left around 11ish and decided to call it a night so we could rest up for Saturday game and Saturday night. I had pilates at noon on Saturday and Mar walked around while I had my appt..on a side note, LOVE LOVE pilates..i just need to now do a bit at the gym on my own between sessions. After Pilates, we went to Jake's Saloon to watch the game. But, they had no tables left, which was a bummer. We tried one other bar nearby that was a no go and ended up at Flight 151 in my neighborhood. they have good food so I was fine with it. It wasn't bumpin at first, but then it go more lively as people started to show up. My friend Alex and her friend Ben met us...Soo much fun but the loss was such a bummer..I was pumped up to say the least, leading cheers in the bar, and rallying support..one other guy was also really into it and we were cheering it up (while others looked at us like we were nuts). after the game, we came home and chilled / napped a bit and then got ready for dinner (getting ready with a girlfriend is still one of my fave things..such great memories from college..mustic playing, doing makeup, etc..). We had a 9:15 resi at Budakhan..I had only been able to get 7 earlier int he week, but called during the day on Sat and was able to move it later. Got there on time (that was a first for me) and only had to wait about 15 mins which was the shortest time ever for me there. I think Mar liked the restaurant and the vibe. def one of my faves. For dinner, we ordered a bottle of wine, and split steamed sole entree, edamame dumpling, tuna tar tar spring rolls and rock shrimp app. Now, i did great food wise, ate slow, etc...only weakness/retrospective bad choice food wise was the rock shrimp..fried but so delicious..it is my fave thing on the menu and I couldn't resist..will resist next time though. ONly bad decision besides that was ordering a second bottle of wine (esp given the fact that I was plenty "happy" after the first..needless to say, was in rare form by the end of dinner..After dinner we went across the street to the bar/lounge on the rooftop of the Maritime hotel..good music and dancing. We ended up going to the patio at the bar downstairs though because Alex and her friend Ben met us and they wouldn't let Ben in upstairs because he had on Shorts (i'm all about shorts, but you really just can't/shouldn't wear them at night in NYC if you want to go out guys..)..Well, we could still hear the music and a lack of a dance floor did not hold back my moves..I was in rare form but we had a BLAST...I have not had that much fun in a long time...We ended up coming home around 2:30 and passing out..today, Mary left for an early flight (1pm)....so just woke up and ordered in bfast..I have been in bed basically all day, took a big nap..I am just not feeling in good shape but worth every minute of it!!





While I could go on and on about everything that we talked about, a couple of things that stuck out for me as I think about me and my journey, perceptions of how others view me being overweight, etc...First of all, I showed Mary my stomach and scars..the scars don't bother me but some of the beautiful stretch marks do..now, I was thinking i wouldn't show her because I was embarrassed, but I ended up showing her. I felt so exposed, but Mary could have cared less...it is funny, later at dinner (again, given the wine, we talked about everything and nothing was off limits...granted, that is how we are sober as well)..I at one point was talking about how I always gave my friends such credit for liking me beyond my weight and how I wondered how much they thought about it..now, perhaps I am not giving people enough credit, but i guess it is how I have perceived myself. I know I am nice, fun, whatever but I always thought of me as the "fat" nice, fun friend. Well Mary said that honestly, she never first thinks about my weight when she thinks of me..that it has never bothered her, etc..and, she said that she didn't think twice about my stomach..whereas I was tortured at the thought of her seeing it...She also interestingly predicted that I will tell other people in the future...She is fully supportive of me telling no one or everyone but she thinks I might change my mind in the future..perhaps she is right...for now, no but who knows how I will feel months from now...We also talked about how I hate when someone asks "what is new."..i.e. my friends who are asking "have you met anyone"..now, this really bothered me especially as I have been overweight, was depressed over the past 8 months and had met no one...haha..literally hate the question...Mary said that she definitely noticed i had lost weight and she was just so supportive...I cannot even express how wonderful she made me feel and how much I loved being able to share everything..she has made such a difference in my life and I love her so much (Mary, i know you will read this and I thank you for Everything you have done for me and I love you so much!!)...it was exciting for someone to notice...on that note, also had one of the assistants at work stop me on Friday to tell me I look amazing..it really made my day.she said she had meant to tell me for weeks and I had lost so much weight..this woman is also larger, and I think that perhaps people who are bigger are more cognizant of other larger people's size? maybe i'm nuts..regardless, made my day...

So, while I think I might pay for some of my antics last night in terms of a lil weight gain, my continued headache/drowsy feeling, i had the most wonderful time and am just so happy..not a regular thing, but I lived my life, did really well sans a lot of wine and I felt so loved and supported...

ok, i am rambling and better get sleep....early day tomorrow...

-Meghan

I am so Excited for Band Friends and Followers...and...Confession...I Have a True Obsession with the Real Housewives / Bethenny Getting Married

I have Band/Blogger Friends!! To say I'm excited is an understatement. I have been so blessed with the support of my parents, Grandma, two brothers and two friends, but I have been longing a bit for the community that I have seen other bloggers have. Being able to relate to situations and experiences is nice..well, after reading in private, last night I reached out to others and made friends! haha..it is like when my Mom would tease me that I was friend of the friendless!! I really am so excited to get to know everyone better and for the support!!




On another note, it can officially be noted that I am obsessed with the Real Housewives and Bethenny Getting Married...now, I guess my past obsession has always been food / eating, so this one is much better! The fact that I have seen most episodes at least two times, can quote the intros to the show for each woman are just a few signs of my issues..but, how I love it! I so look forward to Thursdays..on the Bethenny show tonight they went to the Water Club hotel in Atlantic City..makes me excited because I am going there for fourth of july..woo hoo!!! It is honestly such a great show in that it can distract you, make you laugh and chill out a bit after a long day...

on the eating front, did ok today..had too much calories at lunch (child size qdoba burrito bowl) with chips and my tum tum hurt for a few hours. after work, we went to a bar/lounge for my Analyst's going away party..gotta love bar food. I had one grilled chicken strip, one mini bbq slider, 1/2 a quesadilla and a few fries...goodness, as I write it, it sounds like a lot, but it didn't seem like it and I was still hungry after..I kept dreaming about Pizza and cupcakes, but I ended up coming home and having a sugar free carnation instant breakfast shake...well, tomorrow is a new day! on the bright side, I did take my time and focus on chewing today...

That's all she wrote for tonight...

U.S.A...U.S.A!!

After taking a nap at 7:30 last night and sleeping through, I can't seem to sleep tonight! Perhaps it is because I am on a high from the World Cup game today...Today, I absolutely LOVED working on a trading floor..besides having TVs to watch, I loved the feeling and anticipation on the floor and how everyone erupted when we scored...I also sent my boss email updates and accidently cc'd the whole consumer banking group (including the head of I Banking)..whoops! The head of I Banking ended up emailing with me asking for updates though (he has NO clue who I am), so all ended up ok! I am really prefer more of the football player type / build, but the World Cup has been making the soccer players (sans the lack of height) look very good...Donovan is hot! The guys on my team kept telling me to look at the T.V. when he was on because they knew I thought he was cute!

Eating wise, I did well today until dinner..At dinner, I took too big of a bite, too fast of my pita sandwich (don't think the pita helped) and pb'd again..the Worst..plus, it happened right as I was talking to our summer analyst and all of a sudden I rush up to the bathroom..I really, really need to get better about focusing while eating..esp at work where I usually eat all my meals during the week...after that, my appetite was basically ruined until I was ravenous around 11 when I got home and had a bagel sandwich (if you haven't had the 100 calorie bagel thins, you must get them..delish). I need to stay focused though because my next mini goal (50 lbs) is scheduled for July 15th and I have about 9 to go..

Looking forward to the weekend coming up..Luckily though, work hasn't been too bad this week, until tonight was a late one. Tomorrow night I am going out to a Team dinner for someone who is moving to London, so will need to be cognizant..also, I think we are doing mexican, so need to either do skinny girl margarita (better tasting anyway) or sangria or wine...getting excited for Mary to come this weekend (one of my two friends who knows)..besides being so pumped to see her, it will be so nice to be able to openly share about my experience, eat with her, etc. haven't figured everything out but will definitely be watching the game on Saturday (her only request), doing drinks, dinner at Budakhan and some walking around..I also have Pilates so Mar will be in for some laughs...

I am loving reading everyone's blogs, and I have been more active and will continue to be about publically/officially following other blogs (after having done it privately for 2 months) and hopefully gaining a following..it will be nice to get a network of some bandsters..I literally look forward to reading everyones at night..

should probably try to sleep now...

throwing up is no fun..and my wing craving has been filled

sorry for the title, but it is the truth. Last night after I reheated my salmon for dinner, I started to eat it..only to then get stuck..I took too many bites too quick, and in addition, the salmon was dry (esp from the additional heat)...anything dry is not band friendly...so, as I was stuck, I started to pb (in essence throw up in your mouth)...yeah, that was a lot of fun. It happened for awhile (about 20 minutes) and it was miserable..especially that it was salmon...I ended up ordering fro yo (pinkberry) for dinner because I was uncomfortable..I have decided that I can treat myself to pinkberry, but topics are dangerous..so, I got no toppings..

today, I wasn't feeling great from last night, and I have also been having some pain in my port area at work (literally, i think it is from sitting and the way my stomach (aka fat) sits). i also didn't sleep well. Well, i ended up calling in sick..this is not something I frequently do, but I did. I rested for a lot of the AM, then I went to the grocery store..stocked up on bottled water and snapples..also got a few other things...groceries are expensive though!!! especially when you are a snob and buy evian..though, it was on sale, and they had coupons (i was racking up the savings!). I was supposed to clean my apt as well in anticipation of Mary's arrival (and so my cleaning lady can clean my apartment, but I kind of lounged around, read blogs, watched Real Housewives, etc. tried to take an afternoon nap, but to no avail.

now, on the eating..I had fat free chocolate milk for bfast/snack. for lunch, I was very hungry and still craving wings...I ordered them..and ate them..now, I don't feel totally bad because i was really hungry and I did not eat all of them. Do I think it was the best decision? No. Do I think it was the worst? No. Was I pumped I ate them after? No. But, I cannot beat myself up and it was not a killer. for dinner, I had a 100 calorie bagel thin sandwich with some whipped cream cheese, two slices of turkey and a 100 calorie pack. not the best day, but not the worst.

Week over week, I lost 0.6 pounds..after two great weeks, that was not a fun number but at the same time, it is a journey!! I need to inspire myself to make this week great...and, i have a work function on Thursday..But, I will do this!! my next goal is for July 15th, and I have about 9 pounds to go...

short post for now, but wanted to provide an update...hope all is well..

Have had a great weekend...close call on emotional eating

I have had a great weekend...I am really starting to feel a bit back to my old self (personality/emotionally) after an 8 month coma if you will..I'm just generally happier, starting to feel more comfortable (while still feeling huge) and am doing better dealing with my emotions..I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I am making some progress..

Following my dinner out on Tues and support group on Wed, I had a dinner on Thursday with two people from work (my old and current Analyst) because the current Analyst is moving to London...Luckily, we got out at 6:30 so we went to dinner early, and it was right under my apt..woo hoo! but, it was a paella place so not the best food choices...I tried to eat the fish and not as much rice, but I didn't do great. Now, I do have to give myself some credit that my "not great" now is about half the size of my old portions, but still not as well as I would like to be. On Friday, work was fine..fairly slow and I got to leave early around 6. didn't have a great lunch, a sandwich that has some chipotle mayo on it, but whenever I have a sandwich, I only eat half the bread..that is something that I used to do in the past when I have dieted and is something that has helped me so far. On Friday night, I came home and relaxed/chilled..Fridays are so hard because the week has been so stressful..I watched a movie (Dear John..not that good). I ordered from this healthy/organic place for dinner..I got a personal pizza (basically on a tortilla with low sodium tomato sauce and cheese). I got turkey burger and onions on mine. for dinner, I really focused on eating slowly and chewing. well, after about 30 mins I was full and satisfied, and I had only eaten half of the pizza (again, think tortilla sized). so, I put it away and was happy...it is amazing how much better it is when I am slow and focused on eating...it is tough at work, but that is my life and I will have to try to eat slower. At work though, when I go and get lunch with my Analyst, he is always done about 15 mins before me which is good...

On Saturday, I went to Pilates for my second session..I really, really enjoyed it. A lot of breathing, thinking and stretching but I liked it. It also felt therapeutic with all the breathing. after that, I ran a few errands and then came home and took a nap (devine!). Last night I met up with my friend Brooke (old room ate) for dinner. We had not seen each other for at least 3 or so months, as I wasn't really feeling up to doing anything..well, I felt like myself last night and we had a great time catching up..it was wonderful. we sat outside and it was a beautiful night with some nice white wine. We got some hummus/yogurt for app (i had a small bite of bread with it) and then we both got salmon with salad for dinner. she is a very healthy eater, so it was good. I had maybe 1/3 of the salmon and salad..she remarked on how little I ate, but I was very satisfied..she also noticed how I was eating slower (i used to lap her when we would eat together!). She didn't notice I had lost weight (or didn't say anything if she did) but again, I hadn't been with her in a long time, so I was ok with that. I brought my salmon home with me so I could have for dinner Sunday night..

Today, I woke up way too early as I didn't sleep well last night. I then met my friend Abbey for brunch..Abbey lives in Boston for now (her husband is in Biz school there) but her husband is interning in the city for the summer..Abbey is 10 weeks pregnant so it was so great to see her..we had kept in touch somewhat, but given my funk, I had not really been great about it. well, she could tell in my face that I was more like myself and could tell I had lost weight (she saw me Januaryish)..anyways, it was a great time..I had an egg sandwich (egg and cheese) and again took off half the bread and took the bread with less cheese on it. I added a lil pesto to it which I think is not great, but overall, I felt good about it..

After lunch, i went to look at 2 apartments..I am still searching for an apt, but it is not a super intense search (which it needs to be). I have started to slightly toy with the idea of buying a place, so I actually looked at two apts for sale (in the same building)..it is Sooo crazy how much something costs for such little space..less than 600 square feet!!! the apartments were ok, but I did not love them for that price...plus, it is scary to think about being on the hook for everything (repairs, etc.) it was fun to look though...after that, i rushed home because it was sweltering outside and I wanted to get in the AC...

Have been home for about an hour watching the world cup, and all I can think about is food/being hungry..After not having great week, I weighed this Am and liked the number..I have a feeling I am nearing the time of the month and am bloated (please let's hope so), so am hoping I might be lower. Anyways, I started craving wings..yes, wings..something I never order, don't love, etc..maybe something about sports and wings?? so, I ordered them..i thought, just a few, it will be ok..then, i thought to myself, why are you doing this? you are tired, a bit bored...I also read other people's blogs (one of my favorite things to do now) and that helped....I knew I didn't really want the wings. while I did want them, I realized they were not worth seeing the scale go higher and I called the place back to cancel. they said they had already made them but would check (i was going to tell them to charge me but don't deliver them)..they ended up saying no problem, so that was great...

after that incident, I decided to blog because then I could put what I did in writing and would be accountable so that I didn't order something again..I was/am embarrassed to post it (yes, all my secrets are out) but I guess this is what it is for..I went out to dinner/brunch, did great and did not feel deprived at all..that is a way of living my life while still trying to lose weight...ordering wings at 3pm on a Sunday when you are not hungry is sabotage...I will continue to fight it as hard as I can..

i need to get back to the gym this week...that is one of my goals...

Also, Happy Happy Father's Day to my wonderful Dad!! thanks for all your love and support (he is an active follower!)

Also, SOOO pumped because Mary is coming to visit me this coming weekend..I can't WAIT!!!

off to clean a bit and nap (let's be honest, nap..)...

Tired, too much sushi and NYU support group

So, I went to the NYU support group tonight..it is hosted by my Doctor's office (with supervision from a social worker) and is held once a month for banders that are 1-12 months out. Now, it was 6-7:30. While I was slammed at work, I decided to leave and go to the group because I wanted to give it a try...it was ok...I can't say that I will likely go again. Everyone was nice, but some of the people in the group talked too much (i feel like they wanted to hear themselves speak) and I think I get just as much out of reading the Lap band forum and other people's blogs...the one nice thing was that we had to introduce ourselves, saying when we were banded and how we were doing..it was nice to get the applause I have to say..though, after a bad night of eating and today, I wasn't feeling stellar..

So, the past two days have not been great eating wise..I have been distracted by other things and have not been paying as much attention to my food and hunger. Last night I went out to dinner..I was exhausted but I did not want to cancel. While we went to sushi and I think I made fairly wise choices, I found myself not really thinking as I was eating, processing, chewing enough, small bites, etc. I just was tired and forgot about what I was doing..I just zoned out. while I didn't have any repercussions from the eating (i.e. pb'ing, etc.), I was upset after..and then, of course I couldn't resist Pinkberry after..I wish I had just said that I wasn't interested..not a disaster, but not what I want to do when I have momentum. I really don't love eating in a social setting right now...it will change as I get more comfortable with everything, but right now it is tough. of course I have social plans revolving around meals every day until Sunday...but, I am determined and will have to correct my behaviors..I ate ok today, breakfast and lunch wise. For dinner, after I raced back to work following the support group, I ordered seared tuna and edamame fro a sushi restaurant. the tuna started to wired me out so I only ate half. I ate all the eddies..while they are good protein, way too much sodium on the pods on the outside...I ended up still being a bit hungry and not satisfied..I have fought the desire to eat more (more head hunger, frustration than real hunger I think)...i have literally been thinking about things I could eat (most healthy) and have been fighting the urges..in my weakness I did have a 100 calorie pack of cookies..I can't say I really even enjoyed them..while not deadly, it was a more emotional eating than really hungry. it is too late (near midnight) to eat that stuff...You know, I am going to have good and bad days and this was a bad..I have to remember a lifelong process and not give up. I have to be honest though, it is tough..while I realize emotional eating was a way to numb myself, was harmful to me and didn't solve any issues, it is something that is very, very hard to conquer...it is a comfort blanket that has now left me exposed and cold..having to face realities that are not always fun...But, all part of my growing process...

So, I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow and need to really be aware of everything..especially following the rules (i have been drinking with meals)..I am realzing that as I get more restriction, the rules are going to be more and more important...

Feeling Good...

Sorry it has been so long since my last post...last week at work was a killer..worked most nights till 11 or midnight..i just didn't have it in me to type. But, the good news is that I got through the week and I ate well. I am feeling really, really good about things, and I am motivated. I have tried to be concious of everything I put in my mouth..and while it is hard, and I have some good days, some bad days, I'm feeling pretty good. This weekend I went to Long Island..went to lunch with Gma and then hung out with two of my cousins...great to see them as always...I felt bad because one of my cousins I think is considering weight loss surgery (or so I gathered..) but I decided i absolutely did not want to/will not share..to be honest, I just don't want to be the subject of people's conversations...I know people love me and would be supportive but this process is about me and what is best for me..and that is keeping it to myself and the few people (i.e. those reading) who know...I ate very well this weekend, which I could have easily not done considering I went out to three lunches/dinners and to the movies...I have found that I really look forward to eating healthy..it also didn't hurt that the restaurants had all the calorie information on it..in the past, i would have hated that..now, i love it.

I did not make it to the gym this week/weekend..I hope to go this week. I did though have a pilates session, which i enjoyed. It is pricey, but I am going to try to do it once a week and then try to do some stuff on my own during the week...we will see how it goes...

on the weight front, I have continued to lose..I weight myself almost every day, but "official" weigh in is Monday, so I will have to report back on progress...Forgot to mention..Gma could tell I had lost weight, which was very exciting!!! my clothes continue to get looser, which I love...

not a very exciting post, but I posted!

love to all and thanks to everyone's continued support!