Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Ready for a fill!!!! And, a Tribute to my Wonderful Parents!
So, I am so ready for a fill..I got a salad for lunch (HUGE!) thinking I would eat half and save the rest...well, I ate every last bite..and it was soo big..I ate slow, but it was just TOO much..I was actually pretty full the rest of the day..not terribly uncomfortable, but full. for dinner I had a sugar free carnation instant breakfast shake and a few bites of my remaining Thai food (yeah, bad from last night). I'm ready for my fill!! Otherwise, got through the Monday...
On to more important things..this is a perfect opportunity for me to take an opportunity to thank my parents for all they have done and their continued love and support as they celebrate their Anniversary tomorrow (36 years I think? and they met on Spring Break..haha) ...My parents are the two most important people in my life and I am here because of them...My parents sacrificed so much for my brothers and me. They gave up their wants (and often needs) to put my brothers and I through private/catholic school..they never gave up and sacrificed so much. They showed love and courage even through dark days, and their love and commitment exemplifies what marriage is.
In terms of my journey, my parents are my number 1 fans. they have loved me through many sizes and they have never made me feel bad about my weight. they have told me I am beautiful and instilled confidence and love in me. My parents taught me that it is not what someone looks like, but what they have to offer. My parents have supported me through many challenges with my weight. They have just always been there...
Despite loving me at any size, they have always encouraged me to be the best I can be, including having this surgery. in fact, it was my Mom's idea..in many ways, I did this because my Mom thought it was a good idea (which she did not realize)..not because I wanted to please her but because I knew that if she thought it was a good idea, it probably was...well, another example of Mother knows best and me being so thankful because this is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me..My parents have been such a force in my life and this journey, and I know they will continue to be...I could not ask for better parents (especially having been overweight most of my life) and their love and support is what gets me through dark days...I love you Mom and Dad..thanks for showing what true love and devotion is and teaching me that anything is possible and to never give up. Happy, Happy Anniversary.
If I am lucky enough to be blessed with a family one day, if I am half as good of a parent as my Mom and Dad then my kids will be very lucky...
On to more important things..this is a perfect opportunity for me to take an opportunity to thank my parents for all they have done and their continued love and support as they celebrate their Anniversary tomorrow (36 years I think? and they met on Spring Break..haha) ...My parents are the two most important people in my life and I am here because of them...My parents sacrificed so much for my brothers and me. They gave up their wants (and often needs) to put my brothers and I through private/catholic school..they never gave up and sacrificed so much. They showed love and courage even through dark days, and their love and commitment exemplifies what marriage is.
In terms of my journey, my parents are my number 1 fans. they have loved me through many sizes and they have never made me feel bad about my weight. they have told me I am beautiful and instilled confidence and love in me. My parents taught me that it is not what someone looks like, but what they have to offer. My parents have supported me through many challenges with my weight. They have just always been there...
Despite loving me at any size, they have always encouraged me to be the best I can be, including having this surgery. in fact, it was my Mom's idea..in many ways, I did this because my Mom thought it was a good idea (which she did not realize)..not because I wanted to please her but because I knew that if she thought it was a good idea, it probably was...well, another example of Mother knows best and me being so thankful because this is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me..My parents have been such a force in my life and this journey, and I know they will continue to be...I could not ask for better parents (especially having been overweight most of my life) and their love and support is what gets me through dark days...I love you Mom and Dad..thanks for showing what true love and devotion is and teaching me that anything is possible and to never give up. Happy, Happy Anniversary.
If I am lucky enough to be blessed with a family one day, if I am half as good of a parent as my Mom and Dad then my kids will be very lucky...
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Catching up!
So, I really need to work on my blogging...it is going to be one of my goals..to post at least three times a week (and hopefully more)..I love sharing on this, reading about other people's journeys, and the support means a lot to me. The comments on my last post were so nice and encouraging, and they meant a lot..
So, in terms of what is new with me life wise. Work has been extremely busy (what's new). this past week was quite tough for me emotionally..had a big meeting, thought I did horrible, had my review (went well and boss thought I did fine at the meeting), a colleague said something hurtful, had a meltdown..but then a great weekend with my lil bro..so, def a tough week but one that I made it through.
On the eating/band front, I can't say I have been doing awesome or seen a move in the scale. I am really in need of focusing and picking things back up. I am going in on Wed for an additional fill because I know that where I am at is not enough. I have dealt fairly well with my eating, though there have been a few times where I have felt myself slip into some old habits (though still not even 1/10 as bad as the old days). Interestingly though, when I had my meltdown on Wed and was in hysterical tears, I did not eat..I cried it out, talked to my Mom and slept..in the old days food would have been my go to....a pretty big step as I think about it. It is interesting, my whole relationship with food has changed..I still think about it a lot, in terms of what I will eat, how many calories, etc. but I don't crave food the way I used to, think about it as an excitement/substitute for other fun and happy things in my life. An example of a day though when I was not concious was Friday. I was exhausted from the week..beat. I ended up getting pancakes for breakfast (and ate every morsel of the two pancakes)..those are one of my weakness foods that I just love. I then stupidly got jamba juice for lunch bc I walked by it and it looked good. then of course I was hungry two hours later and got a half sandwich at Pret. then I had a bag of potato chips! ahh! for dinner, I ended up having a protien shake and a 100 calorie pack after the disasterous day. I look back and remember that feeling of just kind of not thinking..I guess I have to have days like that to learn from and realize what I need to work on..
I had such a great weekend after such a bad week..my lil brother Sean was in town and we just had a blast. it was so great to see him and he kept telling me how proud he was of me, which meant a lot. He said that he could really see a difference, especially in my face..We went to see Memphis on Broadway on Saturday afternoon, which was awesome! before, we grabbed a quick salad for lunch..was def a bit tough trying to rush to eat, but I did ok. Sean was so sweet and thoughtful because he told me he wanted to do what I was doing (i.e. eat slow, small bites) so he could do it with me and I could stay on track. we were with his girlfriend as well..I know it is tough for Sean not to tell her but it means so much to me that he has kept my confidence as it is so important to me..I'm just not ready to share with people, even some of those that are closest to me. So after the show, we walked around a bit and I napped. that night we went to a group dinner at Alta which was great. food wise I did fine..wasn't super healthy, but I also didn't eat a ton because it was tapas..I avoided certain things (spare ribs, pasta, etc) because I didn't want any trouble..granted, I don't have any trouble with anything unless i eat too fast). Went out after and had such a blast..besides the headache that felt like bricks on my head the next day, it was awesome..I am starting to feel like my old self again and I am more comfortable..I had gotten to a point that I was so uncomfortable and self concious that I did not even want to go out at all..I had to force myself to do things..now, while I still feel like the "big girl" I look forward to going out and feel ok...again, I think it is because I know I am on a journey...it was so great to share my experience a bit with Sean and it is something I really enjoy..being able to share my journey with my family..
Today, I went to the NYC bandster brunch..had a great time! not only was it so nice meeting everyone, but it was so nice to be in an environment where everyone understood what others were dealign with..and to be able to talk so openly and freely was so nice...it was really, really great for me, especially because I am still early in the process..I was reminded of what is possible and so many of these women have just done amazing things! it made me excited about the future...and, everyone is even prettier in person! I look forward to hopefully seeing everyone again soon!
ok, I have just rambled a bit..this week, I would really like to get back on track..I don't have any social plans until Friday night, so hpefully I can really focus on my eating..the fill on Wed should help (and JennyR has a fill around the same time..how fun!). I want to really kick it back into high gear as I look towards my september goal, which is looking tough! but, I will plow forward..
Thanks for the continued support!!! I am going to be blogging/commenting much more this week I hope!!
So, in terms of what is new with me life wise. Work has been extremely busy (what's new). this past week was quite tough for me emotionally..had a big meeting, thought I did horrible, had my review (went well and boss thought I did fine at the meeting), a colleague said something hurtful, had a meltdown..but then a great weekend with my lil bro..so, def a tough week but one that I made it through.
On the eating/band front, I can't say I have been doing awesome or seen a move in the scale. I am really in need of focusing and picking things back up. I am going in on Wed for an additional fill because I know that where I am at is not enough. I have dealt fairly well with my eating, though there have been a few times where I have felt myself slip into some old habits (though still not even 1/10 as bad as the old days). Interestingly though, when I had my meltdown on Wed and was in hysterical tears, I did not eat..I cried it out, talked to my Mom and slept..in the old days food would have been my go to....a pretty big step as I think about it. It is interesting, my whole relationship with food has changed..I still think about it a lot, in terms of what I will eat, how many calories, etc. but I don't crave food the way I used to, think about it as an excitement/substitute for other fun and happy things in my life. An example of a day though when I was not concious was Friday. I was exhausted from the week..beat. I ended up getting pancakes for breakfast (and ate every morsel of the two pancakes)..those are one of my weakness foods that I just love. I then stupidly got jamba juice for lunch bc I walked by it and it looked good. then of course I was hungry two hours later and got a half sandwich at Pret. then I had a bag of potato chips! ahh! for dinner, I ended up having a protien shake and a 100 calorie pack after the disasterous day. I look back and remember that feeling of just kind of not thinking..I guess I have to have days like that to learn from and realize what I need to work on..
I had such a great weekend after such a bad week..my lil brother Sean was in town and we just had a blast. it was so great to see him and he kept telling me how proud he was of me, which meant a lot. He said that he could really see a difference, especially in my face..We went to see Memphis on Broadway on Saturday afternoon, which was awesome! before, we grabbed a quick salad for lunch..was def a bit tough trying to rush to eat, but I did ok. Sean was so sweet and thoughtful because he told me he wanted to do what I was doing (i.e. eat slow, small bites) so he could do it with me and I could stay on track. we were with his girlfriend as well..I know it is tough for Sean not to tell her but it means so much to me that he has kept my confidence as it is so important to me..I'm just not ready to share with people, even some of those that are closest to me. So after the show, we walked around a bit and I napped. that night we went to a group dinner at Alta which was great. food wise I did fine..wasn't super healthy, but I also didn't eat a ton because it was tapas..I avoided certain things (spare ribs, pasta, etc) because I didn't want any trouble..granted, I don't have any trouble with anything unless i eat too fast). Went out after and had such a blast..besides the headache that felt like bricks on my head the next day, it was awesome..I am starting to feel like my old self again and I am more comfortable..I had gotten to a point that I was so uncomfortable and self concious that I did not even want to go out at all..I had to force myself to do things..now, while I still feel like the "big girl" I look forward to going out and feel ok...again, I think it is because I know I am on a journey...it was so great to share my experience a bit with Sean and it is something I really enjoy..being able to share my journey with my family..
Today, I went to the NYC bandster brunch..had a great time! not only was it so nice meeting everyone, but it was so nice to be in an environment where everyone understood what others were dealign with..and to be able to talk so openly and freely was so nice...it was really, really great for me, especially because I am still early in the process..I was reminded of what is possible and so many of these women have just done amazing things! it made me excited about the future...and, everyone is even prettier in person! I look forward to hopefully seeing everyone again soon!
ok, I have just rambled a bit..this week, I would really like to get back on track..I don't have any social plans until Friday night, so hpefully I can really focus on my eating..the fill on Wed should help (and JennyR has a fill around the same time..how fun!). I want to really kick it back into high gear as I look towards my september goal, which is looking tough! but, I will plow forward..
Thanks for the continued support!!! I am going to be blogging/commenting much more this week I hope!!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
50!!!!
So, after missing my goal, I have reached it and now lost 50 pounds from the start of my pre-op diet that started on April 8th (I have the date so ingrained in my head, as I remember the somewhat dreaded countdown to the liquid diet). I really am so so happy to have lost 50 and feel great about it. I feel like I have really plateaued since my doctor's appointment (perhaps I let my excitement blur my judgement), but happy that I am seeing some movement! Though, I must add that I have been ravenous..I mean really hungry. I think I am making decent choices, which helps and obviously is important, but I don't think the hunger has subsided at all post my last fill..i.e. I had 3 homemade tacos last night..in retrospect, I should have just had 2 but I was still hungry! and it was real hunger versus head hunger..though, I probably should have waited about fifteen minutes and then seen if I was still hungry. anyways i think i need to go back for a fill adjustment..
So, very happy and just looking forward to the future...I just need to continue my focus. the 40-50 pound loss I have done at least 3 or 4 times over my lifetime and it has always ended there and I regained it..I am determined to make this different (it is a lifestyle) and continue..I must not rest on my laurels and continue...I will have to work at it, but I am optimistic. Literally, every morning I wake up excited to step on the scale to see any movement (i try to only count Mondays but I can't resist..i know it can play mind games)..but, that feeling of excitement is great...
so, I think that is it for now..was a long week and have to go into work for a bit today and tomorrow but I am going to try to stay positive about it..especially after I just had a great pilates session..
Thank you so much for everyone's continued support! I'm going to do some more commenting later tonight when I have more time to catch up on all the blogs!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Blog Help..how do I change my time zone and where is ET as an option?
random, but driving me NUTS! I tried to reset my time zone but when I go to settings, Eastern Time does not show up!! Thus, I have pacific time and it stinks..help!
Goal #2..not met on time but not too far..and a quick post
So, I have not posted in over a week..I tried to comment on some blogs the other day but didn't even get through reading/commenting, let alone posting. I have just been slammed with work and I just got home a bit ago..My Analyst left a few weeks ago and I just have been killed..but, if I am going to make this work, I am going to have to find time to post..even if a short one..and then i can focus on posting more when I get out at a decent hour and the weekend..plus, I need to stop complaining about work (that is like trying to hold my breath indefinitely..)..i do like my job, it is just long days..ok, enough.
So, today was my goal #2 day..not quite met..i was less than 1 pound away and about 2 pounds away from 50..I really wanted to make it but I kind of failed at really working towards it over the last week..and i just got a fill! i really don't think it was enough bc I am still hungry and able to eat a lot (i.e more than one cup) one night this week i even had almost 2 dinners (around 7pm and 11pm..) but i was so hungry..not how the band is supposed to be. I'm working on making good choices (doing decently)..I refocused today, which I must do if I am going to try to meet this and my future goals..I know I have done well so far and was aggressive with my goals, but I want to do this! when I was reading some blogs the other night I realized what is possible if I really focus...and, i need to go do some exercise..I really need to try to find some work/life balance..
ok, enough rambling..I am going to try to do lil posts more often..things i need to work on include WATER intake (horrible), watching my portions (so so), continuing to make good choices (great at lunch with a turkey sandwich with only one slice of bread..not so hot with my qdoba for dins), trying to make it to the gym (non existent), posting (poor) and reading/commenting (poor)...
so not an exciting post but I posted!! I am looking forward to really focusing on this in the next coming days despite some hectic work days over the next week..
thanks for the continued support..can't wait to catch up on bogs this weekend..
So, today was my goal #2 day..not quite met..i was less than 1 pound away and about 2 pounds away from 50..I really wanted to make it but I kind of failed at really working towards it over the last week..and i just got a fill! i really don't think it was enough bc I am still hungry and able to eat a lot (i.e more than one cup) one night this week i even had almost 2 dinners (around 7pm and 11pm..) but i was so hungry..not how the band is supposed to be. I'm working on making good choices (doing decently)..I refocused today, which I must do if I am going to try to meet this and my future goals..I know I have done well so far and was aggressive with my goals, but I want to do this! when I was reading some blogs the other night I realized what is possible if I really focus...and, i need to go do some exercise..I really need to try to find some work/life balance..
ok, enough rambling..I am going to try to do lil posts more often..things i need to work on include WATER intake (horrible), watching my portions (so so), continuing to make good choices (great at lunch with a turkey sandwich with only one slice of bread..not so hot with my qdoba for dins), trying to make it to the gym (non existent), posting (poor) and reading/commenting (poor)...
so not an exciting post but I posted!! I am looking forward to really focusing on this in the next coming days despite some hectic work days over the next week..
thanks for the continued support..can't wait to catch up on bogs this weekend..
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Second Fill..and making good progress..
I had my second fill today..I actually met with a PA, but my surgeon walked in as I was checking in at the desk and came up and said hi..I really, really like her. While it took me a while to get used to her (surgeon attitude, all about business, not super touchy feely), I am so happy I went to her.
So, when I stepped on the scale..after ~1 month and a few days since my last appointment and first fill, i had lost 18 pounds!!! I was super, super excited! I have been tracking my weight on my scale, but today I got confirmation on the official scale. I am so, so happy and it is great motivation to try and continue to focus (especially after a hamburger and french fries and then two cookies mindlessly yesterday()In terms of the fill, I told him that I definitely needed restriction but I was cognizant that I didn't want to be overfilled and not able to meet good protein. One interesting thing that I never thought about that he told me was that as you lose weight, your stomach shrinks and thus the band gets looser (which is why i have not been feeling sufficient restriction).makes total sense but i hadn't thought of it...so, he added .5ccs which I hope will be a good amount. I had not issues with liquids today and had some pureed chili for dinner and fat free chocolate milk earlier in the day..So much of it is mental for me (i.e. not eating 2 cookies mindlessly)..i made a good step today by declining ben and jerry's ice cream cake at work, which would have easily gone down post my fill..step in the right direction i hope..fingers crossed..
while I am happy about the loss, I am not thrilled with my lack of consistent exercise..My goal was to go to the gym today and drink water..neither of which I did. I could make excuses, but not worth it..I just didn't do it. I really want to try to make this my focus as I really think it will make a difference going forward...
Thanks for the continued support..
So, when I stepped on the scale..after ~1 month and a few days since my last appointment and first fill, i had lost 18 pounds!!! I was super, super excited! I have been tracking my weight on my scale, but today I got confirmation on the official scale. I am so, so happy and it is great motivation to try and continue to focus (especially after a hamburger and french fries and then two cookies mindlessly yesterday()In terms of the fill, I told him that I definitely needed restriction but I was cognizant that I didn't want to be overfilled and not able to meet good protein. One interesting thing that I never thought about that he told me was that as you lose weight, your stomach shrinks and thus the band gets looser (which is why i have not been feeling sufficient restriction).makes total sense but i hadn't thought of it...so, he added .5ccs which I hope will be a good amount. I had not issues with liquids today and had some pureed chili for dinner and fat free chocolate milk earlier in the day..So much of it is mental for me (i.e. not eating 2 cookies mindlessly)..i made a good step today by declining ben and jerry's ice cream cake at work, which would have easily gone down post my fill..step in the right direction i hope..fingers crossed..
while I am happy about the loss, I am not thrilled with my lack of consistent exercise..My goal was to go to the gym today and drink water..neither of which I did. I could make excuses, but not worth it..I just didn't do it. I really want to try to make this my focus as I really think it will make a difference going forward...
Thanks for the continued support..
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