Catching up!

So, I really need to work on my blogging...it is going to be one of my goals..to post at least three times a week (and hopefully more)..I love sharing on this, reading about other people's journeys, and the support means a lot to me. The comments on my last post were so nice and encouraging, and they meant a lot..

So, in terms of what is new with me life wise. Work has been extremely busy (what's new). this past week was quite tough for me emotionally..had a big meeting, thought I did horrible, had my review (went well and boss thought I did fine at the meeting), a colleague said something hurtful, had a meltdown..but then a great weekend with my lil bro..so, def a tough week but one that I made it through.

On the eating/band front, I can't say I have been doing awesome or seen a move in the scale. I am really in need of focusing and picking things back up. I am going in on Wed for an additional fill because I know that where I am at is not enough. I have dealt fairly well with my eating, though there have been a few times where I have felt myself slip into some old habits (though still not even 1/10 as bad as the old days). Interestingly though, when I had my meltdown on Wed and was in hysterical tears, I did not eat..I cried it out, talked to my Mom and slept..in the old days food would have been my go to....a pretty big step as I think about it. It is interesting, my whole relationship with food has changed..I still think about it a lot, in terms of what I will eat, how many calories, etc. but I don't crave food the way I used to, think about it as an excitement/substitute for other fun and happy things in my life. An example of a day though when I was not concious was Friday. I was exhausted from the week..beat. I ended up getting pancakes for breakfast (and ate every morsel of the two pancakes)..those are one of my weakness foods that I just love. I then stupidly got jamba juice for lunch bc I walked by it and it looked good. then of course I was hungry two hours later and got a half sandwich at Pret. then I had a bag of potato chips! ahh! for dinner, I ended up having a protien shake and a 100 calorie pack after the disasterous day. I look back and remember that feeling of just kind of not thinking..I guess I have to have days like that to learn from and realize what I need to work on..

I had such a great weekend after such a bad week..my lil brother Sean was in town and we just had a blast. it was so great to see him and he kept telling me how proud he was of me, which meant a lot. He said that he could really see a difference, especially in my face..We went to see Memphis on Broadway on Saturday afternoon, which was awesome! before, we grabbed a quick salad for lunch..was def a bit tough trying to rush to eat, but I did ok. Sean was so sweet and thoughtful because he told me he wanted to do what I was doing (i.e. eat slow, small bites) so he could do it with me and I could stay on track. we were with his girlfriend as well..I know it is tough for Sean not to tell her but it means so much to me that he has kept my confidence as it is so important to me..I'm just not ready to share with people, even some of those that are closest to me. So after the show, we walked around a bit and I napped. that night we went to a group dinner at Alta which was great. food wise I did fine..wasn't super healthy, but I also didn't eat a ton because it was tapas..I avoided certain things (spare ribs, pasta, etc) because I didn't want any trouble..granted, I don't have any trouble with anything unless i eat too fast). Went out after and had such a blast..besides the headache that felt like bricks on my head the next day, it was awesome..I am starting to feel like my old self again and I am more comfortable..I had gotten to a point that I was so uncomfortable and self concious that I did not even want to go out at all..I had to force myself to do things..now, while I still feel like the "big girl" I look forward to going out and feel ok...again, I think it is because I know I am on a journey...it was so great to share my experience a bit with Sean and it is something I really enjoy..being able to share my journey with my family..

Today, I went to the NYC bandster brunch..had a great time! not only was it so nice meeting everyone, but it was so nice to be in an environment where everyone understood what others were dealign with..and to be able to talk so openly and freely was so nice...it was really, really great for me, especially because I am still early in the process..I was reminded of what is possible and so many of these women have just done amazing things! it made me excited about the future...and, everyone is even prettier in person! I look forward to hopefully seeing everyone again soon!

ok, I have just rambled a bit..this week, I would really like to get back on track..I don't have any social plans until Friday night, so hpefully I can really focus on my eating..the fill on Wed should help (and JennyR has a fill around the same time..how fun!). I want to really kick it back into high gear as I look towards my september goal, which is looking tough! but, I will plow forward..

Thanks for the continued support!!! I am going to be blogging/commenting much more this week I hope!!