A couple of themes/thoughts all in one post...
First off, thank you so much for your very sweet comments..I genuinely, really appreciate it. I realized as I re-read my post that I am hard on myself and need to look at the positives versus negatives (easier said than done), but I do see progress and there is no where to go but down! And you all were very kind with your compliments...always nice to feel good..Thanks again for your support..what an amazing support system this blog has been and the blogging community and followers (my wonderful family and friends.)..support in that I can vent during the tough times, celebrate the good times and victories, ask for advice, etc. this has been the best, but also one of the toughest decisions that I have made and this blog has become a very important part of my journey..and to have it as a memory...Just thank you again so much...
On Thursday night I had what I would consider the biggest bout with emotional eating that I think I have had since the surgery..I have had many instances with emotional eating post band but this was the first time where I literally thought to myself "i wish i didn't have this band so I could just eat, eat eat to feel better and forget."..Not worth going into what got me there, but such a wakeup moment to realize those feelings and that I have coped with my emotions that way so often in the past...one of the main reasons I got here. I was having some spaghetti (surprisingly, if I eat slowly, it does fine)..I got some delivery and it literally lasted me for three meals..this is a serving i would have eaten in the old days in one sitting plus an appetizer..ok, back to my emotional eating. As I was thinking I was i could eat whatever I wanted, I realized that I couldn't. I did eat a bit more than I was hungry for sure (i.e. 2 skinny cow ice creams and a 100 calorie pack of doritos) but thank God for the band to help me through this challenge. now, is the band the answer, no. But, it helped me that night because I did not want to face the physical ramifications of trying to overeat, and it got me to the next morning, where as I was walking down my apartment steps to work, I thought to myself "did I really feel that way? " It was an acknowledgement/awareness of how destructive that behavior is and how I couldn't believe I engaged in it for so long. the fact that for so long I tried to heal myself my sabotaging myself with food. it was a bit of an "aha" moment realizing that I don't want to do that anymore..band or not, it doesn't solve my problems, make me feel better in the long run. I think I will always battle the desire to eat to compensate for negative feelings but I think I reached a bit of a milestone for honestly recognizing that I don't WANT to eat to cope..that while dealing with my feelings are hard, it has to be done. this band has helped me in my emotional health as well so much...it was a tough Thursday night but a great feeling the next day when I thought about how I had felt and how I want to live my life going forward...
Despite a bit of a blip on Thursday, I am down 60 pounds as of this AM!!!! While I had a few blips, I in general have been pretty disciplined and have focused on protein generally. also, I am really noticing my portion sizes decreasing post my last fill..especially on vacation. I am able to eat most things (as long as it is slow) but also my desire for size is so much less...I am stll working on not eating too fast/pb'ing, but I am happy to report that I only had one real issue this week at work, which post my vacation incidents was definitely an improvement...I feel really good about being down 60 but I also want to gear up to keep focused and continue...
Thanks again for all your support, well wishes and encouragement. A special shout out to my "big bro" Brian...Brian is such a big force and support in this journey and has been my whole life..he loves the blog and is so encouraging of me posting and asks "where is my post."..Bri, thanks for your love and support and encouragement. Also, a welcome back to my "lil bro" Sean back from Europe!!! Missed him!
hope everyone has a great weekend!
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Congratulations on losing 60 pounds! That's amazing. I'm an emotional eater and it's been a big adjust for me - I still go to certain foods, but since I physically can't eat that much, it doesn't really work anymore. I can't binge the way I want and I usually stop myself pretty early on.
ReplyDeleteYou have lost SO much in such a short period! You should be so proud!
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