Catching up!

So, I really need to work on my blogging...it is going to be one of my goals..to post at least three times a week (and hopefully more)..I love sharing on this, reading about other people's journeys, and the support means a lot to me. The comments on my last post were so nice and encouraging, and they meant a lot..

So, in terms of what is new with me life wise. Work has been extremely busy (what's new). this past week was quite tough for me emotionally..had a big meeting, thought I did horrible, had my review (went well and boss thought I did fine at the meeting), a colleague said something hurtful, had a meltdown..but then a great weekend with my lil bro..so, def a tough week but one that I made it through.

On the eating/band front, I can't say I have been doing awesome or seen a move in the scale. I am really in need of focusing and picking things back up. I am going in on Wed for an additional fill because I know that where I am at is not enough. I have dealt fairly well with my eating, though there have been a few times where I have felt myself slip into some old habits (though still not even 1/10 as bad as the old days). Interestingly though, when I had my meltdown on Wed and was in hysterical tears, I did not eat..I cried it out, talked to my Mom and slept..in the old days food would have been my go to....a pretty big step as I think about it. It is interesting, my whole relationship with food has changed..I still think about it a lot, in terms of what I will eat, how many calories, etc. but I don't crave food the way I used to, think about it as an excitement/substitute for other fun and happy things in my life. An example of a day though when I was not concious was Friday. I was exhausted from the week..beat. I ended up getting pancakes for breakfast (and ate every morsel of the two pancakes)..those are one of my weakness foods that I just love. I then stupidly got jamba juice for lunch bc I walked by it and it looked good. then of course I was hungry two hours later and got a half sandwich at Pret. then I had a bag of potato chips! ahh! for dinner, I ended up having a protien shake and a 100 calorie pack after the disasterous day. I look back and remember that feeling of just kind of not thinking..I guess I have to have days like that to learn from and realize what I need to work on..

I had such a great weekend after such a bad week..my lil brother Sean was in town and we just had a blast. it was so great to see him and he kept telling me how proud he was of me, which meant a lot. He said that he could really see a difference, especially in my face..We went to see Memphis on Broadway on Saturday afternoon, which was awesome! before, we grabbed a quick salad for lunch..was def a bit tough trying to rush to eat, but I did ok. Sean was so sweet and thoughtful because he told me he wanted to do what I was doing (i.e. eat slow, small bites) so he could do it with me and I could stay on track. we were with his girlfriend as well..I know it is tough for Sean not to tell her but it means so much to me that he has kept my confidence as it is so important to me..I'm just not ready to share with people, even some of those that are closest to me. So after the show, we walked around a bit and I napped. that night we went to a group dinner at Alta which was great. food wise I did fine..wasn't super healthy, but I also didn't eat a ton because it was tapas..I avoided certain things (spare ribs, pasta, etc) because I didn't want any trouble..granted, I don't have any trouble with anything unless i eat too fast). Went out after and had such a blast..besides the headache that felt like bricks on my head the next day, it was awesome..I am starting to feel like my old self again and I am more comfortable..I had gotten to a point that I was so uncomfortable and self concious that I did not even want to go out at all..I had to force myself to do things..now, while I still feel like the "big girl" I look forward to going out and feel ok...again, I think it is because I know I am on a journey...it was so great to share my experience a bit with Sean and it is something I really enjoy..being able to share my journey with my family..

Today, I went to the NYC bandster brunch..had a great time! not only was it so nice meeting everyone, but it was so nice to be in an environment where everyone understood what others were dealign with..and to be able to talk so openly and freely was so nice...it was really, really great for me, especially because I am still early in the process..I was reminded of what is possible and so many of these women have just done amazing things! it made me excited about the future...and, everyone is even prettier in person! I look forward to hopefully seeing everyone again soon!

ok, I have just rambled a bit..this week, I would really like to get back on track..I don't have any social plans until Friday night, so hpefully I can really focus on my eating..the fill on Wed should help (and JennyR has a fill around the same time..how fun!). I want to really kick it back into high gear as I look towards my september goal, which is looking tough! but, I will plow forward..

Thanks for the continued support!!! I am going to be blogging/commenting much more this week I hope!!

50!!!!

So, after missing my goal, I have reached it and now lost 50 pounds from the start of my pre-op diet that started on April 8th (I have the date so ingrained in my head, as I remember the somewhat dreaded countdown to the liquid diet). I really am so so happy to have lost 50 and feel great about it. I feel like I have really plateaued since my doctor's appointment (perhaps I let my excitement blur my judgement), but happy that I am seeing some movement! Though, I must add that I have been ravenous..I mean really hungry. I think I am making decent choices, which helps and obviously is important, but I don't think the hunger has subsided at all post my last fill..i.e. I had 3 homemade tacos last night..in retrospect, I should have just had 2 but I was still hungry! and it was real hunger versus head hunger..though, I probably should have waited about fifteen minutes and then seen if I was still hungry. anyways i think i need to go back for a fill adjustment..

So, very happy and just looking forward to the future...I just need to continue my focus. the 40-50 pound loss I have done at least 3 or 4 times over my lifetime and it has always ended there and I regained it..I am determined to make this different (it is a lifestyle) and continue..I must not rest on my laurels and continue...I will have to work at it, but I am optimistic. Literally, every morning I wake up excited to step on the scale to see any movement (i try to only count Mondays but I can't resist..i know it can play mind games)..but, that feeling of excitement is great...

so, I think that is it for now..was a long week and have to go into work for a bit today and tomorrow but I am going to try to stay positive about it..especially after I just had a great pilates session..

Thank you so much for everyone's continued support! I'm going to do some more commenting later tonight when I have more time to catch up on all the blogs!

Blog Help..how do I change my time zone and where is ET as an option?

random, but driving me NUTS! I tried to reset my time zone but when I go to settings, Eastern Time does not show up!! Thus, I have pacific time and it stinks..help!

Goal #2..not met on time but not too far..and a quick post

So, I have not posted in over a week..I tried to comment on some blogs the other day but didn't even get through reading/commenting, let alone posting. I have just been slammed with work and I just got home a bit ago..My Analyst left a few weeks ago and I just have been killed..but, if I am going to make this work, I am going to have to find time to post..even if a short one..and then i can focus on posting more when I get out at a decent hour and the weekend..plus, I need to stop complaining about work (that is like trying to hold my breath indefinitely..)..i do like my job, it is just long days..ok, enough.

So, today was my goal #2 day..not quite met..i was less than 1 pound away and about 2 pounds away from 50..I really wanted to make it but I kind of failed at really working towards it over the last week..and i just got a fill! i really don't think it was enough bc I am still hungry and able to eat a lot (i.e more than one cup) one night this week i even had almost 2 dinners (around 7pm and 11pm..) but i was so hungry..not how the band is supposed to be. I'm working on making good choices (doing decently)..I refocused today, which I must do if I am going to try to meet this and my future goals..I know I have done well so far and was aggressive with my goals, but I want to do this! when I was reading some blogs the other night I realized what is possible if I really focus...and, i need to go do some exercise..I really need to try to find some work/life balance..

ok, enough rambling..I am going to try to do lil posts more often..things i need to work on include WATER intake (horrible), watching my portions (so so), continuing to make good choices (great at lunch with a turkey sandwich with only one slice of bread..not so hot with my qdoba for dins), trying to make it to the gym (non existent), posting (poor) and reading/commenting (poor)...

so not an exciting post but I posted!! I am looking forward to really focusing on this in the next coming days despite some hectic work days over the next week..

thanks for the continued support..can't wait to catch up on bogs this weekend..

Second Fill..and making good progress..

I had my second fill today..I actually met with a PA, but my surgeon walked in as I was checking in at the desk and came up and said hi..I really, really like her. While it took me a while to get used to her (surgeon attitude, all about business, not super touchy feely), I am so happy I went to her.

So, when I stepped on the scale..after ~1 month and a few days since my last appointment and first fill, i had lost 18 pounds!!! I was super, super excited! I have been tracking my weight on my scale, but today I got confirmation on the official scale. I am so, so happy and it is great motivation to try and continue to focus (especially after a hamburger and french fries and then two cookies mindlessly yesterday()In terms of the fill, I told him that I definitely needed restriction but I was cognizant that I didn't want to be overfilled and not able to meet good protein. One interesting thing that I never thought about that he told me was that as you lose weight, your stomach shrinks and thus the band gets looser (which is why i have not been feeling sufficient restriction).makes total sense but i hadn't thought of it...so, he added .5ccs which I hope will be a good amount. I had not issues with liquids today and had some pureed chili for dinner and fat free chocolate milk earlier in the day..So much of it is mental for me (i.e. not eating 2 cookies mindlessly)..i made a good step today by declining ben and jerry's ice cream cake at work, which would have easily gone down post my fill..step in the right direction i hope..fingers crossed..

while I am happy about the loss, I am not thrilled with my lack of consistent exercise..My goal was to go to the gym today and drink water..neither of which I did. I could make excuses, but not worth it..I just didn't do it. I really want to try to make this my focus as I really think it will make a difference going forward...

Thanks for the continued support..

4th of July in Atlantic City!

Had a great weekend in Atlantic City! I went with my friend Niki and her sister Lou....We all wanted to get away from the city for the weekend, have a relaxing time, go to the pool, good dinners and a nice hotel in driving distance..many will laugh that we went to AC for relaxation, but we did!



Drove up on Saturday early and hit a decent amount of traffic but got there in about 3.5 hours..both nik and Lou are obsessed with Bethenny and housewives too so we talked about that a lot, which was so fun! We got to the hotel around noon..the hotel is very nice and attached to the Borgata..I was overwhelmed by all the casinos..night life 24-7! So we checked in and the room was very nice, modern and had a big bathroom. I love nice hotels (one of my favorite "treats") and this met my expectations. We then went to the pool..we were very lucky to snag chairs from these people leaving, as it was mobbed! the pool is really two mini pools that are more like wading pools. the place was hopping with music bumping, people hollering..not exactly the relaxing pool environment we were looking for, but it was a pool! again, the chairs were key! I managed to not get burned (don't think this has ever happened to me!)..it was such fun people watching..a mix of the Jersey Shore on steroids, some NY thrown in, etc dominated by Jersey (note, my dad is from NJ, which I still find funny and hard to believe as he doesn't fit the stereo type!)..saw lots of interesting bathing suits or lack there of! now, I am never comfortable in a bathing suit and am still not but i had to say that I think i was more comfortable that at certain times in the past as I feel like I am on a journey to somewhere and this will not always look/feel like I do now. plus, i wasn't worried about the other people! We went up to the room around 5ish and just chilled, napped, etc. it was nice that we were all in the mood for the same relaxation..We went to a good sushi dinner that night and then gambled a bit..I lost $40 on slots...oh well.I wanted to play BlackJack but the table minimum was $25 and that just made me too nervous! We were back in our room by 11pm..what Grandmas..haha! but, after last weekend and not wanting to be bumping and grinding, i was happy in bed! the one thing i felt bad about and am very sensitive about is my snoring..I guess it is bc one of my friends from college is a super light sleeper and cannot sleep with me int he same room..my snoring obviously got worse as I got heavier (and i think better as I have lost weight) but it is still such a source of insecurity..they said it wasn't bad, but not sure if I really believe it.but, i would have felt even worse if it did and they told me the truth, so oh well..


on Sunday, I slept in a bit and met the girls at Breakfast and then we went to the pool again..Lou had gone early to get chairs and an umbrella, so it was great. Was out there for a bit and then i decided to go take a nap..i was just so tired from the week..nap was great and then went back to the pool and really enjoyed reading and people watching. we went up to the room at 6 and dinner wasn't until 8. I contemplated just chilling but decided to go to the gym..I really forced myself to go and i'm so glad I did! i had some free time which i don't always and i took advantage of it! idid the elliptical on intervals for 40 mins and then I did some pilates! so glad I can finally tell my teacher on Thursday that I did some on my own (especially as i had to cancel last week's appt. for work. I was so proud of myself that I had to take a picture of myself all sweaty..I was just proud bc this is something I would never have normally done on vacation!



That night we had a wonderful dinner at this italian restaurant and had some good wine! One of the things that was so great about this hotel is that you don't ever have to leave..they have great restaurants and they have this upscale food court that was great too!! that night, we missed the fireworks, which stunk..we rushed to see them but had missed them. that night was another early one..I think most Grandmas were out later than us but i was fine with it! haha..only problem was that we were over the pool night club that had 'unz unz" music until almost midnight and it was SO LOUD! and we were on the 30th floor! I ended up complaining and got something off our room (I was very cool, calm and nice versus the woman at the counter next to me screaming..) other than that, the everything was great. to be fair, most people do go for the party but they should just let people know ahead of time. another time, i probably wouldn't have cared bc I would have been out..we left early today (8am) to miss traffic and got back quickly.i was happy to have time to chill out and took a huge nap of course and am now catching up one everything..note, I did get one picture of Niki at a slot machine to at least prove we were there..haha..and where we each lost $40..



Food wise, I did really, really well while I was gone. I indulged a bit but in a very band friendly, moderate way. i ate very slow, didn't eat too much and made good choices at the same time. I even weighed at the gym on Sunday and was unchanged, so that made me happy. I did great that is..until...I got home today, was famished and ordered a hamburger with fries..i was indeed hungry but I'm not sure why I made such a horrible choice, especially after the weekend...why oh why..today I have been just so hungry..but horrible choice...oh well, I will not do this again..I cannot beat myself up but next time will try to think twice and maybe read some blogs instead...I am going for a fill on Wed and am very ready/excited..I want to be cognizant that I don't need a huge fill but I could definitely use some more restriction....

I want to make it a really great week food wise and move towards my goal of being down 50 by the 15th! I'm not too far away, 8-10ish pounds, but i will need to kick it into gear this week. I want to go to the gym at least twice in addition to pilates, drink water and eat slow. it will def help with the fill, liquids and mushies...I also have a wedding on Saturday at West Point so I want to eat healthy in advance..

hope everyone has a good week and I will try to post more!!

thanks for the continued support.

-Meghan

Catching up..and my first BYOC

Sorry for the big absence...last week work kicked my as&..i worked until 11pm or 1 most nights and needless to say was not able to look at blogs or write on my own...I'm going to do another post about my weekend but wanted to do my first BYOC! I also wnat to try to catch up on people's blogs, especially those following me...

so, for my family/Mary who are not in blogland, BYOC is 5 little questions – some funny, some serious – that one of the bloggers (Drazil) puts together each week for the bloggers to get to know each other better and it’s a free blog topic for Fridays. You post the questions and answers in your own blog! here it goes..

1. Seeing that it’s a patriotic holiday of sorts I thought of this one: Where were you on September 11th?

I was at college in Nashville. I had a Latin class (yes, i took Latin to fulfill my language requirement..i'm not sure why looking back)..it was at 11am so i was sleeping in. I remember my friend Andrea coming in and saying she was sorry to wake me but that she thought I would want to know what was going on (i'm a big sleeper so no one ever wanted to wake me up). I remember seeing in awe as I watched everything on TV and feeling such shock. I also had friends at school whose parents/sister worked in NYC so i felt their fear. I do remember feeling so upset/a bit in a bubble being in Nashville though as I felt like nothing stopped, classes continued and all i wanted to do was have the world stop and take in what had just happened. Later, working in NY as a summer intern (at a firm that was the second hardest hit in the WTC) and now living in NY, I really feel how much that day changed so many lives..

2. What is your idea of fun? If given the chance to skip work/life for an entire day, what would you do? (assume you’d be by yourself)

Given a day off from work, I usually sleep to try to catch up..but, in terms of fun, I LOVE to shop, go to the spa, go to lunch, etc. I'm a girly girl...my ideal day would be to go to the spa, get a facial, massage, mani,pedi (assuming cost is not an issue.haha) then shower and get dressed (i love spa showers), go for lunch with a friend and shop!

3. Suggestion from a follower. Some blog questions.

How many blogs do you follow? I am relatively new in terms of the following...I now read about 15 religiously and am working on trying to expand that, get to know new followers, etc..

Do you read them all or just your faves? right now I read all the ones I know of and am going to be reading all those that follow me..it might take me awhile as sometimes I am spotty during the week but I will continue on it!

Do you comment a little, a lot, on all? I am now going to be commenting a lot because I know how much the comments mean to me and how exciting I get

Have you ever unfollowed someone because of something they said or you didn’t like their blog? No

Do you routinely unfollow and why? No/NA

4. Repeat question. Pick one day and one healthy thing you’ll do for just that day next week.

Remember these can be mental things too – like pampering yourself for one hour, journaling, meditating, etc.

I want to go to the gym at least twice this week, in addition to pilates on Thursday and want to work on drinking my water...I will plan on going to the gym Wednesday and drinking water that day.

5. Repeat "Make someone a superstar" question. Whose blog or blog comment stuck with you this week and why?
There have been a ton as I catch up..I really liked Jenny's push towards excercise and boot camp because it is inspiring me to try to get to the gym and get more active.