I am trying to resist pizza on the trading floor, let alone 2 desks away. After my super motivating post, my monthly friend started, and while I maintain motivation and ate pretty healthy yday, I did give into my cravings for cookies... Def not ideal but I otherwise was good. I think I still might have something sweet today as all I can think about is cake, cookies, etc buy I will not eat the pizza to balance it out.... It is amazing how hard it is to fight the temptation of eating pizza when surrounded by almost 350 people eating pizza and plenty to spare.... I will fight through though....
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Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Feeling motivated...and climbing the hill
I have been through ups and downs of motivation over the last three weeks. After a horrible week, I am back up in terms of motivation. My one year mark is the 22nd and I want to lose into the homestretch...I'm rounding 3rd, on the 5 yard line and want to score. I have been re-reading a few of the blogs that inspired me and to be honest comforted me when I first decided to do this...I am reading around their one year anniversary and how well they did and I want to finish strong. I don't think that I will meet the lofty goals that I set a few months ago, but I will finish and do the best I can. In one of the blogs, someone (can't remember who) wrote that it is better to set lofty goals even if you don't meet them than to not set goals at all.
As I think back over my life, weight has played such a huge role in it as I have been overweight since first grade..I had losses here and there but never got out of the overweight phase...I never let my weight stop me from anything and in many ways excelled in a lot of things I did because I think in some ways I overcompensated for being deficient in my weight. I was (am) blessed with wonderful friends who didn't care what size I was and still thought I was great. I was a Cheerleader..I got in the sorority I wanted in College and one of the best on campus..I got a very competitive and highly coveted job out of college. I don't list these as a way to pat myself on the back or look for congratulations, but more to realize that while I have done these great things, I very rarely recognized them or my successes because being overweight and unhappy about it (for literally almost 20 years) overshadowed things. I always put my best foot forward, was outgoing, smiley and positive and truly enjoyed most aspects of life but it was my hidden demon and battle that literally weighed me down. How exhausting it was for me to fight this emotional weight and still come out the cheery and optimistic person. I think for the most part I was never fake in the sense that I really was happy and optimistic...but, to think that I was able to feel this way while still having this weight (figuratively and literally) on me. I have often described times in my life, my weight being the biggest, as an uphill battle...
This past year has too been an uphill battle, but it is one where I feel like the wind is behind me, pushing me forward and with each positive step I take in putting myself first, taking care of my health, etc. the hill is getting flatter and flatter. I know that life will never be easy and I have dealt with much bigger things beyond my weight, but this is the one that has personally plagued me and kept me from fully matching the person within me with the outside. I still have a long way to go, but I pray that I can continue up the hill and see the top in the future. ..
Just a little realization of how transformational this year has been...I am freeing myself from the biggest personal challenge, weakness, failure (for me, I have felt like a failure for being overweight..whether right or wrong)..it is so much more than being able to wear designer jeans for me..it is life changing..
As I think back over my life, weight has played such a huge role in it as I have been overweight since first grade..I had losses here and there but never got out of the overweight phase...I never let my weight stop me from anything and in many ways excelled in a lot of things I did because I think in some ways I overcompensated for being deficient in my weight. I was (am) blessed with wonderful friends who didn't care what size I was and still thought I was great. I was a Cheerleader..I got in the sorority I wanted in College and one of the best on campus..I got a very competitive and highly coveted job out of college. I don't list these as a way to pat myself on the back or look for congratulations, but more to realize that while I have done these great things, I very rarely recognized them or my successes because being overweight and unhappy about it (for literally almost 20 years) overshadowed things. I always put my best foot forward, was outgoing, smiley and positive and truly enjoyed most aspects of life but it was my hidden demon and battle that literally weighed me down. How exhausting it was for me to fight this emotional weight and still come out the cheery and optimistic person. I think for the most part I was never fake in the sense that I really was happy and optimistic...but, to think that I was able to feel this way while still having this weight (figuratively and literally) on me. I have often described times in my life, my weight being the biggest, as an uphill battle...
This past year has too been an uphill battle, but it is one where I feel like the wind is behind me, pushing me forward and with each positive step I take in putting myself first, taking care of my health, etc. the hill is getting flatter and flatter. I know that life will never be easy and I have dealt with much bigger things beyond my weight, but this is the one that has personally plagued me and kept me from fully matching the person within me with the outside. I still have a long way to go, but I pray that I can continue up the hill and see the top in the future. ..
Just a little realization of how transformational this year has been...I am freeing myself from the biggest personal challenge, weakness, failure (for me, I have felt like a failure for being overweight..whether right or wrong)..it is so much more than being able to wear designer jeans for me..it is life changing..
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Past week was all flames, but putting out the fire today!
So my last post was just a preamble to a bad eating week vs. a start of the end...this week was ridiculous...I was on jury duty for two days and then was traveling for two days...i ate cookies and chocolate almost every day and I did not make healthy choices with food (e.g. fries with my sandwich). I also did no exercise, which is just not going to work, especially with my race coming up. Ended Friday with a Cookie cake for a going away (third cookie cake at work in 2 weeks!). Friday was rough all around because I did not think about what I was eating or the speed, and I pb'd 3 times!!!! unacceptable. first time was at my co worker's going away lunch, where i had to literally bee line to the bathroom, then after the cookie cake back at work and then at dinner that night...whoa!! Not acceptable! there are weeks where I have no issues and then a day where I throw up 3 times! Over the past 2 weeks I think i got a false sense of comfort combined with exhaustion and frustration with a few things that sent me in a tail spin...the scale has definitely moved back up 3 or 4 pounds, which is not going to work...i know some might be water weight, but the other 2 are definitely cookies...
I woke up today though and wanted to fix things...I wanted to get back on track and i have had a great day. Had Starbucks for bfast and then about an hour later a petite vanilla scone (i love those from sbux..not the "BEST" choice but was away from the house and it is controllable with 140 calories). I had coffee while hanging out with my friend niki (who knows about the band) at her apartment and we had the best time gabbing away. Mid coffee, I all of a sudden (forewarn gross info ahead), I had to run to the bathroom and I threw up all these lil food particles..I guess it is stuff that has been sitting at the top of the band not going through? it has happened before with coffee and I'm thinking it was leftover from the crappy day yday. not the best way to start my good day, but am moving on. After Niki's went to Pilates and had a good session, and then I used a gift certificate I had for a facial at La Prarie at the Ritz. it was very enjoyable and relaxing..I love spas and spa bathrooms...the towels, robes, lotions, etc. Plus, they gave champagne today!! After that, went to Bloomingdales to pick up a baby gift for a co worker given it is Friends and Family (20% off!!). While there I decided to peruse some of the clothes...
for those who need motivation, hit the stores!!!! as I was going through, I saw so many things that I really liked (and I no longer even look at plus size!). I still have to be very selective in terms of sizes and styles that I think might work, but it does not stop me from drooling at things that I can't wait to wear one day. It was an additional kick in the butt that I am not where I want to be and i cannot self sabotage. I ended up trying a few things on, knowing that I might need to lose a bit more weight before wearing and as I look for clothes for my vegas trip in two weeks. Well, found 4 great dresses, including dresses from designers that I used to day dream about wearing and never thought possible!! well it is now (not all the way, but for select!!) While two of the dresses need another 10 pounds and one has to be lengthened (bc my legs were not meant for short dresses), it got me excited and motivated.....not just for the clothes, but for me....and I could not pass up an extra 20% off.
also talked to one of my BFFs, MJ, today who knows about this also. She has been such a cheerleader and told me how proud she was of me and it meant a lot. she said most of all what made her happy was that she could hear in my voice i was back to my old self and had a much more positive outlook...losing weight definitely does not make one's life happy but with each pound I have lost I have lost some of the depression, anxiety, fears, etc. that had dampened my spirit...I like feeling like myself again and look forward to continuing my journey to be the best me...
BTW, I found a new apartment!!! (or my lil brother did, who flew in from chicago, took two days off of work to walk the streets of NYC to find me a new home..he is the best!). I'm soo pumped bc right now I live in a fourth floor walk up, so small (maybe 450 square feet), no real living room and only one closet...it is falling apart. My new apartment has a doorman, elevator, a real kitchen, 2 closets!! ahh!! I'm staying in my same neighborhood which I love so I'm pumped..Moving in about a month so will keep everyone updated. my toosh will miss the workout of the four flights but I sure won't when I am lugging suitcases up!!
I have been reading but not really commenting much this week, so look forward to catching up on all the blogs this weekend.
I woke up today though and wanted to fix things...I wanted to get back on track and i have had a great day. Had Starbucks for bfast and then about an hour later a petite vanilla scone (i love those from sbux..not the "BEST" choice but was away from the house and it is controllable with 140 calories). I had coffee while hanging out with my friend niki (who knows about the band) at her apartment and we had the best time gabbing away. Mid coffee, I all of a sudden (forewarn gross info ahead), I had to run to the bathroom and I threw up all these lil food particles..I guess it is stuff that has been sitting at the top of the band not going through? it has happened before with coffee and I'm thinking it was leftover from the crappy day yday. not the best way to start my good day, but am moving on. After Niki's went to Pilates and had a good session, and then I used a gift certificate I had for a facial at La Prarie at the Ritz. it was very enjoyable and relaxing..I love spas and spa bathrooms...the towels, robes, lotions, etc. Plus, they gave champagne today!! After that, went to Bloomingdales to pick up a baby gift for a co worker given it is Friends and Family (20% off!!). While there I decided to peruse some of the clothes...
for those who need motivation, hit the stores!!!! as I was going through, I saw so many things that I really liked (and I no longer even look at plus size!). I still have to be very selective in terms of sizes and styles that I think might work, but it does not stop me from drooling at things that I can't wait to wear one day. It was an additional kick in the butt that I am not where I want to be and i cannot self sabotage. I ended up trying a few things on, knowing that I might need to lose a bit more weight before wearing and as I look for clothes for my vegas trip in two weeks. Well, found 4 great dresses, including dresses from designers that I used to day dream about wearing and never thought possible!! well it is now (not all the way, but for select!!) While two of the dresses need another 10 pounds and one has to be lengthened (bc my legs were not meant for short dresses), it got me excited and motivated.....not just for the clothes, but for me....and I could not pass up an extra 20% off.
also talked to one of my BFFs, MJ, today who knows about this also. She has been such a cheerleader and told me how proud she was of me and it meant a lot. she said most of all what made her happy was that she could hear in my voice i was back to my old self and had a much more positive outlook...losing weight definitely does not make one's life happy but with each pound I have lost I have lost some of the depression, anxiety, fears, etc. that had dampened my spirit...I like feeling like myself again and look forward to continuing my journey to be the best me...
BTW, I found a new apartment!!! (or my lil brother did, who flew in from chicago, took two days off of work to walk the streets of NYC to find me a new home..he is the best!). I'm soo pumped bc right now I live in a fourth floor walk up, so small (maybe 450 square feet), no real living room and only one closet...it is falling apart. My new apartment has a doorman, elevator, a real kitchen, 2 closets!! ahh!! I'm staying in my same neighborhood which I love so I'm pumped..Moving in about a month so will keep everyone updated. my toosh will miss the workout of the four flights but I sure won't when I am lugging suitcases up!!
I have been reading but not really commenting much this week, so look forward to catching up on all the blogs this weekend.
Friday, March 25, 2011
This week is in flames
Need some accountability....how do I go so quickly from being so motivated, pushing forward, eating well and working out to being lazy and eating so much crap?? It has not helped that I have had two root canals in 2 weeks and can't chew a lot, but that does not mean I need to drink milkshakes!!! Oh yes, milkshakes. I have had 4 this week i think...I need to focus ad get back on it stat....stat
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Work
Thursday, March 17, 2011
NYC Brunch - Interest in Sisterhood Clothes?
I have a lot of clothes that I need to pass onto the sisterhood..a range of sizes and things, but most are in the 16-18w size range, many pairs of black pants, a few sweaters, jeans, light cardigans, a few casual dresses, etc. I am so behind in trying to take pics/post about it, but I want to pass them on. ...Now, I am not a good mailer..I'm not..but, I'm determined to become one. Until I get a chance to post and then mail everything though, i thought I would see if any of the women attending brunch might have interest in some of these and/or be in that size range I mentioned (you could give me a rough idea of sizes and would want casual or work clothes, tops vs. pants, etc. and I could make a judgement call). I could bring a few things I think might work and if you don't like them, I can bring them back with me. I know a lot of the people coming are way too small for a lot of the things I have but I don't know everyone who is coming...Regardless of this brunch, I WILL get my act together and get things posted and ready to mail asap...
Tracking is starting to help me
So after reading several other people's posts about tracking, and recognizing I needed some more accountability in my nutrition, I have been tracking my food the past three days. I do a post it (I forget who did that that I copied?) and write the calories, protein and fiber..I think I still track the fiber given my WW days. On average, I am trying to eat between 1,000 and 1,250 calories per day and targeting at least 50 grams of protein. I don't have a fiber goal but need one...I am for sure deficient on this!! In terms of my food/meals, I have been pretty consistent this week and feel like I am getting into a groove..here is what the typical day looks like and rough nutrition info (bc my post its are at work):
*grande skim latte (130 cals/13 g prot) @8am
*honey peanut Balance Bar (200 cals/15 g prot) sometime between 10-11:30 -- this feels indulgent to me and I love it! also not too high in carbs (~25?) for a power bar type
*Lunch is sometime between 12:30-1..I get a sandwich (toasted wheat bread, honey maple boars head turkey, avocado mustard and one slice of cheese) and eat half (I also only eat one side of the bread..habit from the low carb diet in HS). It helps to work with mostly men because one of them always eats my other half. I have to have some snacky item with my sandwich, so lately has been 130 calories of baked cheetos. Because I buy my sandwich everyday, I don't know all the details but think it is about 350-400 ish cals and around 20ish grams of protein
*sometimes have a 130 calorie snack of pretzals
*Dinner varies, but have had a turkey burger one night, balance bar another, protien shake tonight
Exercise wise, I went Saturday, Sunday and Monday and feel like I am getting into it. I didn't go Tuesday to today of course for various reasons, but I actually did "want" to go and already signed up for spinning on Sunday and on Saturday am trying the Bar Method class in addition to pilates..hope to go tomorrow as well.
Also, I SIGNED UP FOR THE 5K..it is on April 30th..I'm determined I'm goign to do it..I'm going to do my best to run it all, but no matter what, I will do it and be happy/proud regardless of my running and pace. I'm excited bc my Lil brother is going to do it with me, and my other brother and parents are going to come...Ooh as I type I realize how much I really want to run it all...I'm really going to try hard..
Looking forward to brunch on Sunday!
PS- thanks for the sweet comments on my pics on the last post!
*grande skim latte (130 cals/13 g prot) @8am
*honey peanut Balance Bar (200 cals/15 g prot) sometime between 10-11:30 -- this feels indulgent to me and I love it! also not too high in carbs (~25?) for a power bar type
*Lunch is sometime between 12:30-1..I get a sandwich (toasted wheat bread, honey maple boars head turkey, avocado mustard and one slice of cheese) and eat half (I also only eat one side of the bread..habit from the low carb diet in HS). It helps to work with mostly men because one of them always eats my other half. I have to have some snacky item with my sandwich, so lately has been 130 calories of baked cheetos. Because I buy my sandwich everyday, I don't know all the details but think it is about 350-400 ish cals and around 20ish grams of protein
*sometimes have a 130 calorie snack of pretzals
*Dinner varies, but have had a turkey burger one night, balance bar another, protien shake tonight
Exercise wise, I went Saturday, Sunday and Monday and feel like I am getting into it. I didn't go Tuesday to today of course for various reasons, but I actually did "want" to go and already signed up for spinning on Sunday and on Saturday am trying the Bar Method class in addition to pilates..hope to go tomorrow as well.
Also, I SIGNED UP FOR THE 5K..it is on April 30th..I'm determined I'm goign to do it..I'm going to do my best to run it all, but no matter what, I will do it and be happy/proud regardless of my running and pace. I'm excited bc my Lil brother is going to do it with me, and my other brother and parents are going to come...Ooh as I type I realize how much I really want to run it all...I'm really going to try hard..
Looking forward to brunch on Sunday!
PS- thanks for the sweet comments on my pics on the last post!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Fessin' up to the blues and looking towards the sun
So it has been quite awhile since my last post...definitely a very strong correlation between my mood/spirits and the amount I blog.
These past two weeks have been very tough for me...After an amazing two weekends in a row with my Mom, it was just so tough to see her go. As I have said before, my Mom is my absolute best friend and we just have such a blast together. I don't do things with her because she is my Mom but because she is someone I love to be with, have fun with, am so comfortable with. We are so much alike and are just two peas in a pod. If I am blessed with children one day and am 1/4 of the mother she is, I will be doing great. Anyways, between her leaving, some frustrations at work, some tough family news and horrible hormones (I mean absolutely horrible, like no other month in recent history), I have been very blue and a bit of an emotional roller coaster. It got to the point where I called in sick on Friday because I needed a mental Health Day. I was supposed to have lunch with my boss to celebrate my promotion but I was just not mentally up for it...I'm definitely starting to feel better but it was tough to feel so emotional and blue over the past two weeks given I have generally been feeling so positive and optimistic given this journey (both physical and emotional) journey I have been on. A year ago, these feelings were part of my every day life as I was very depressed..I guess one bright spot of the past two weeks is to realize how far I have come from one year ago and that those feelings came and went versus held me down..Needless to say, I have not been blogging..I have been reading nightly, but I have been lurking and not commenting...this week though is a new week!!
Now, onto some brighter and better...I did not eat my emotions away, which continues to be a good thing for me. I definitely had tremendous cravings but managed them ok (note OK, not well). One thing though that I have definitely noticed is I have not necessarily been eating great.. Dinnerland did a great post about getting back to basics, "working the band" and following the "rules."...such a great reality check. While I have actually lost weight (the scale for the spring challenge was down 5 from last sunday...definitely helped that I was sooo bloated last week..hard to say it is true weight loss as much as unbloating but I'll take it), I think I am not doing in as healthy a way as possible. I definitely believe everyone has their own journey, their own plan that works best for them...At the same time, I know what I should be doing and what works for me. Don't get me wrong, love seeing the scale go down but substituing nutritious, small meals for candy as a meal is just not healthy. luckily this is not a constant event but definitely has been more prevalent over the past two weeks. I am very big into calories and find that works best for me, but I must remember that not all calories are equal. plus, as this is a lifestyle, I must really focus on the overall nutrition and what I am actually putting in my body. I have good days where I definitely focus on protein and nutrition and I need to make these happen more often. I have harped on this before but I also need to SLOW my eating and chew chew chew...I do great out to dinner or in social situations..not great at home and only so/so at work..I think I get tired and lazy and that won't work..i know I can do it and just need to focus as if I am out to eat.
On the exercise front, have not done great but also picked it up a bit this week. Went to the gym three times and did pilates. Have continued spinning (i.e. gone 3x..). Still not loving it but also want to stick with it and I hope that it will get easier and more enjoyable as I do it. Have continued with the C25K program..am very behind but determined to keep going with it, whether I run the road race at the end of April or not.
I don't think I am going to reach my goals I laid out when I was down 100 (currently down 105!) but I will continue to move forward and hopefully continue to take steps (healthy ones, not the easy way out) to continue to get healthy and move towards my goals for myself...this includes blogging and being a part of a great community. I get so much out of reading everyone else's blog and need to do a better job at commenting because I know how great the support feels..
I will have to end with some pics of my Mom's visit because they are cute and make me happy!!
These past two weeks have been very tough for me...After an amazing two weekends in a row with my Mom, it was just so tough to see her go. As I have said before, my Mom is my absolute best friend and we just have such a blast together. I don't do things with her because she is my Mom but because she is someone I love to be with, have fun with, am so comfortable with. We are so much alike and are just two peas in a pod. If I am blessed with children one day and am 1/4 of the mother she is, I will be doing great. Anyways, between her leaving, some frustrations at work, some tough family news and horrible hormones (I mean absolutely horrible, like no other month in recent history), I have been very blue and a bit of an emotional roller coaster. It got to the point where I called in sick on Friday because I needed a mental Health Day. I was supposed to have lunch with my boss to celebrate my promotion but I was just not mentally up for it...I'm definitely starting to feel better but it was tough to feel so emotional and blue over the past two weeks given I have generally been feeling so positive and optimistic given this journey (both physical and emotional) journey I have been on. A year ago, these feelings were part of my every day life as I was very depressed..I guess one bright spot of the past two weeks is to realize how far I have come from one year ago and that those feelings came and went versus held me down..Needless to say, I have not been blogging..I have been reading nightly, but I have been lurking and not commenting...this week though is a new week!!
Now, onto some brighter and better...I did not eat my emotions away, which continues to be a good thing for me. I definitely had tremendous cravings but managed them ok (note OK, not well). One thing though that I have definitely noticed is I have not necessarily been eating great.. Dinnerland did a great post about getting back to basics, "working the band" and following the "rules."...such a great reality check. While I have actually lost weight (the scale for the spring challenge was down 5 from last sunday...definitely helped that I was sooo bloated last week..hard to say it is true weight loss as much as unbloating but I'll take it), I think I am not doing in as healthy a way as possible. I definitely believe everyone has their own journey, their own plan that works best for them...At the same time, I know what I should be doing and what works for me. Don't get me wrong, love seeing the scale go down but substituing nutritious, small meals for candy as a meal is just not healthy. luckily this is not a constant event but definitely has been more prevalent over the past two weeks. I am very big into calories and find that works best for me, but I must remember that not all calories are equal. plus, as this is a lifestyle, I must really focus on the overall nutrition and what I am actually putting in my body. I have good days where I definitely focus on protein and nutrition and I need to make these happen more often. I have harped on this before but I also need to SLOW my eating and chew chew chew...I do great out to dinner or in social situations..not great at home and only so/so at work..I think I get tired and lazy and that won't work..i know I can do it and just need to focus as if I am out to eat.
On the exercise front, have not done great but also picked it up a bit this week. Went to the gym three times and did pilates. Have continued spinning (i.e. gone 3x..). Still not loving it but also want to stick with it and I hope that it will get easier and more enjoyable as I do it. Have continued with the C25K program..am very behind but determined to keep going with it, whether I run the road race at the end of April or not.
I don't think I am going to reach my goals I laid out when I was down 100 (currently down 105!) but I will continue to move forward and hopefully continue to take steps (healthy ones, not the easy way out) to continue to get healthy and move towards my goals for myself...this includes blogging and being a part of a great community. I get so much out of reading everyone else's blog and need to do a better job at commenting because I know how great the support feels..
I will have to end with some pics of my Mom's visit because they are cute and make me happy!!
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