I think I'm back...I am feeling a TON better than I was, am re-motivated and looking forward to my fill on Wed! I am slowly really trying to come to terms with my emotions and feelings..I'm trying to separate any emotion from food, whether happiness, sadness, loneliness, etc. I started a book called "Women, Food and God" and it speaks to this point..it talks about how when you numb your emotions/feelings with food, you are also cutting yourself off from the love of God and the life that was created for you. While I know this will be a continual battle, I am feeling good!
This weekend was SOOO fun...went to a friend's house who I have known since childhood...we hadn't seen each other for almost 2 years but we talk a lot so it feels like i just saw her. it was at her parent's house and I love them so I was very at home! this is one of my best friends and I have gone through a lot of weight losses with her..she has struggled with her weight (but much less so than me..not even near it) and it is something we have dealt with and talked about a lot..she helped me get back to the gym and gave me a workout program..my goal is 3 times a week starting out...that is doable and I'm going to do it. we also talked about a diet plan..I'm really going to start counting my calories closely..I can make it fun and it will help my progress...Now, I did not tell her about the band...I feel so so guilty, and I'm not sure why I didn't tell her, but I didn't. I trust her and we have shared so much, but I just didn't tell her...I almost feel like maybe I would disappoint her because we have lost weight together a lot...i don't know..i know my feelings are not right or probably fair to her but I just didn't do it. On the eating side, I did pretty well..not great, but I definitely did watch what I ate, didn't mindless eat, etc. DEF a lot of room for improvement, but I can do it!!! On the weekend we went swimming (day and night swimming..divine!), played tennis, went to lunch, went to dinner, went for a day on the boat, cocktails, dancing, of course I sang at one of the bars..it was SOO fun!!! i really had a wonderful time and her parent's house is Amazing....We also talked about going to Italy next year for vaca...I'm all in!! DYIng to go and I think it will be a blast to go together and we will do well together!
So, on the food front, I am going to start journaling daily, eating slowly and going back to band protocol..the fill on Wed I think will really be a wake up call, and I need it! I also have been thinking about some goals for myself that I am going to post on the side of the blog...these will likely be updated but is something that will help remind me why i am doing this..
love to you all...thanks especially to Mar for our great talk tonight...i appreciate you so much...
PS..good luck to Bri on his studying!
love - MLM
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